One of my favorite things on Saturday mornings (other than the farmer’s market) is sitting with my coffee and reading the weekly essay by Melissa Kirsch in the New York Times newsletter. I have no idea if she’s a spiritual person, but her writing always speaks to my soul. Though prose, it reads like a heart poem, as she explores themes of purpose, love, family, friendship, and the arc of time. Today, the focus was on the midpoint of the year, which coincided with the specific moment when the Earth reaches its greatest distance from the Sun. Yes, it happens in summer…you can look it up. As Kirsch pondered time and space, she wrote these words:
At aphelion, we’re about 94.5 million miles from the sun, a distance so vast as to be unfathomable. What we can fathom: our two feet pressing into Earth, taking up just inches of space. We’re here, now, in this room, in this house, in this town, a body and a mind and five senses taking in as much as we can. We’re so small, but so powerful that we can think and dream and fuss and project entire worlds into existence. And then we think those worlds are the entire universe. Meanwhile, the earth’s orbit continues, the sun goes on shining.
This year, I turn 50–it’s a number that is, quite frankly, freaking me out. I never really envisioned coming to the middle of my life, a time when there are probably fewer circles around the sun ahead than there are behind. It’s weird and unsettling. My kids are, according to the law, grown. One has started his own life away from us, and the other will soon follow. My perimenopausal body is sending all kinds of hormones careening wildly throughout my bloodstream and I can’t seem to regulate my temperature. I keep having this existential crisis of purpose, and my brain is on overdrive so that resting seems wrong because I have to make every moment of whatever time is left count. It’s at about this point that the anxiety spiral I have always struggled with kicks into overdrive and my brain becomes a ticking time bomb of doom. Everything seems fraught. Everything seems tilted. Everything seems wrong.
Fortunately, I have a great therapist who listens to my anxiety-fueled fears and asks challenging questions to help me reset and reframe and still the storm within–mostly by consistently pointing out that the things I get wound up about aren’t in my control and I need to let them go.
As Kirsch wrote, I think and dream and fuss and project entire worlds into existence and then think they’re the entire universe. But if I pause for a moment and look around, I realize that Earth keeps going and the Sun keeps shining. I can’t help but think of Job, sitting in the wreckage of his life and crying out for something, anything, to help alleviate his misery. But when God finally speaks, it’s not to assuage Job’s grief, but rather, it’s a reminder to look up and look around.

God goes on in this vein for 4 more chapters! It’s incredibly beautiful, and you should read it. But God’s point, I think, is this: He is bigger than anything he created. And we are very small.
Some people might read God’s response to Job and think that he doesn’t care–that he’s some distant being looking down on humanity with dispassion, an omniscient narrator, if you will, passively watching events unfold. However, I don’t think that’s the case at all. God isn’t dismissing Job’s pain, he’s helping Job reframe it. He’s asking Job to consider the wonder and majesty of all creation–four chapters worth–so that Job not only sees the bigger picture, but finds his rightful place within it.
The other night, we had a church-wide pool party at our local aquatic center. I love swimming. There’s something about moving through water that calms me. The weather had been unpredictable all day, and huge mountains of clouds towered above us . And yet, the sun shone through from behind those clouds, illuminating them in the most brilliant peaches and pinks and golds I’d ever seen. It was stunning, and I took a moment to just float and marvel at God’s creation. When I finally went to bed later that night, I couldn’t stop smiling. The water, the cloud-show, the community reminded me that I am a very small part of something much bigger.
The world is not centered on me. I have no universes to create or order. I just have this day, this moment, this breath in which to be. And sometimes, that’s all God asks of us, to just float in this single moment while he does the hard work of creating and sustaining.
I don’t know what worlds you’re fussing to create right now, but I do know that it’s okay to pause from the strife and the fear and the compulsion to do and to just float and look at the sky and remind ourselves that we are connected to the God who created the universe and all that is in it. In doing so, we remember that God cares about us enough to reveal himself in those small moments of wonder and awe, and that he’s a much better architect than we will ever be.
Blessings and Peace,
Sara
















