Confession 262: Peace on Earth

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“God is not dead, nor does he sleep.  The wrong shall fail, the right prevail with peace on earth, good will to men”
“I Heard the Bells On Christmas Day”

I dropped my six year old son off at school this morning amidst a plethora of police and sheriff’s cars.  There was a highway patrol car parked on each corner of the school lot.  An unsubstantiated threat had been made against the school, and the administration wanted to reassure parents with extra law enforcement presence.  As I said I love you and watched my son walk inside, the above song played in my van.  My eyes filled with tears at the great irony of it all.

Like many parents in our small Midwestern community, Chris and I talked long into the night about sending our son to school today.  Many parents did not, and I completely understand and support that decision.  But as I prayed in bed last night, I felt God asking me, “Do you trust me?”  And my heart had to respond, in the midst of all the heartache in the world, “Yes.”
Like many of us across our nation, I have been struggling with the seismic rift in our cultural fabric last Friday’s killings wrought.  I was a first year teacher when the Columbine killings took place.  They changed everything.  What happened in Connecticut last Friday will change everything again.  There are so many issues our society must face.  It’s not just about guns, although it is about guns.  It’s not just about mental illness, although it is about mental illness.  It’s not just about school and public safety, although it is about school and public safety.  It’s not just about our changing cultural values, although it is about our changing cultural values.
And then there are the theological questions.  Why did God allow the shooter to get that far?  Why didn’t God protect the innocent?  How can I trust God to protect my children when He didn’t protect the children of the parents in Sandy Hook?  Scholars much more studied than I have attempted to answer such questions over this past week.  I have found little comfort in any of their responses.  And so, ironically enough, I have gone directly to the One I am questioning with my questions and fears.  I believe God is big enough for whatever doubt/disappointment/anger/frustration/confusion we might have.  And here is what I have heard.  It’s not deep, it’s not studied, it might not even be helpful, but it has brought stillness to my soul.
In spite of all the pain, heartache, and tragedy in this world, I trust God.  I don’t understand it all, and I know that my trust and belief will not make me immune to any of it.  Sickness, accidents, acts of evil can break into my life the same as in any other person’s life.  But I trust God.  And I know that He is working in ways I cannot see or comprehend to bring about peace in this world.  And I know that it is my duty, as His child, to work with Him to bring love and healing to a world so broken and in need.  I trust in God, the One who came down to earth in the form of His creation.  I trust in God, the One who sent His Son to die for me, and in so doing sacrificed a part of Himself.  I trust in God, the One who set the stars in the sky and has counted each hair on my head.  I trust in God, the One who loves me beyond any love I can give.  I trust in God.
“God is not dead, nor does He sleep…”  He has sent us the Prince of Peace.  My we seek to offer that gift to those across our world who have lost so much.
Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Confession 262: Undone

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But after he had considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, “Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins.”
Matthew 1:20-21
As I’m looking around our house 12 days before Christmas, I realize that nothing is finished.  The tree is up and lit, but only about four ornaments hang from it, haphazardly placed by our boys from early Christmas presents.  Neither of our manger scenes are out, as their respective tables are full of random clutter—a fish tank with no fish, 12 jars of peanut butter that were supposed to be taken to the food pantry last summer, a box of play scripts that won’t be used until February, books that have popped out of my overflowing bookshelves.  There’s a basket full of clean laundry in the middle of the living room floor, as well as a plastic tub that formerly housed Christmas tree lights and which my 4 year old is now using as his personal gymnastics vault. 
Our Advent wreath hangs in the closet as its spot on the dining room table is being occupied by mail and schoolwork.  My Christmas candles are only up because they’ve been sitting in place on the top of the china hutch since last December.  You probably wouldn’t notice them amidst the layer of dust.  The boys’ Christmas tree is sitting on the couch in the living room because I ran out of hangers for their clothes.  And the kitchen has been taken over by grocery bags, newspaper ads, and cups.  The whole house has the appearance of being undone.
And do you know what the remarkable part of it all is?  I don’t care.  Don’t get me wrong, I’d like for our house to not look like a federal disaster area, but I’m perfectly fine with a sparsely ornamented Christmas tree.  I have no intention of making a bunch of Christmas treats that I’m not going to eat.  The kids and I are doing nightly Advent readings without the wreath.  And, Baby Jesus will get to his manger whether the fish tank gets moved or not. 
When you really think about it, having an “undone” Christmas is what the story is all about anyway.  An unmarried couple is having a baby.  Their country is occupied by a hostile foreign force.  The baby arrives far away from home.  There is no mother, sister, aunt, cousin around to help with the birth.  There’s not even a room, just a barn.  And the first people who come to visit are unclean, uncouth sheep herders.  It wasn’t quite the perfect moment we work so hard to make our Christmas celebrations out to be.
We spend so much of our time, energy and money during the month of December trying to get it all just right.  Yet, God the Creator of Heaven and Earth came into a world where nothing was right.  His people were living under the suffocating oppression of the Roman Empire.  His creation was floundering under the devastating power of sin.  The world was a mess.  The world is a mess.  But, God entered into it anyway.  God entered into it because it was a mess, and He remains within it today, working through us (and maybe in spite of us) to set things right.
So, this Christmas, let things come a little undone.  For it is in the places that seem most undone in which God will enter in.
Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Confession 260: Best Laid Plans


To humans belong the plans of the heart, but from the LORD comes the proper answer of the tongue.
Proverbs 16:1 
My husband and I tend to be a little weird about Christmas.  Over the past several years, we have worked to bring more sacred and less commercial into our Christmas celebrations.  We don’t do a lot of retail Christmas shopping.  We don’t put our tree up until Advent officially begins.  We don’t put Baby Jesus in the Creche until Christmas Eve, and the Wisemen start out in another room and don’t reach the manger until Epiphany.  We also do not do Santa with our boys.  I KNOW….we sound like a couple of zealots.  But, it’s how we enjoy the season.  We’re not anti-Christmas, just anti-commercial.
That said, we had to have the “Christmas is not your birthday” talk with our boys last weekend as TV watching was becoming increasingly obnoxious with all of the “I wants” the toy commercials brought about.  We had a good discussion about the meaning of Christmas and decided that anytime anyone in our house had a case of the “I wants”, we would gently remind one another that, “Christmas is not your birthday.”  Note the phrase, in our house.  Apparently, we should have stressed that a bit more as later that same evening when asked at the local Christmas parade by a classmate’s mother if he would be going to see Santa later our oldest replied, “No. Christmas is not my birthday.”  Needless to say, she was a little taken aback.
 
Afterward, over dinner, the boys wanted to know, “Is Santa real?”  Mmmm…. Where to begin?  I fell back on the old tried and true St. Nicholas story.  It was great, until our oldest who never misses anything asks, “Did St. Nicholas die?”  “Yes, honey, St. Nicholas died a long time ago, but people like to remember him by playing Santa Clause.”
Our youngest, who is four, was listening avidly to this entire exchange.  His brown eyes as big as saucers he burst out, “Santa’s DEAD?!”  In my head, I could already hear the angry calls from preschool parents all over town.  I beseechingly looked across at my husband.  HELP!!
My ever-so-rational husband responded, “No.  Santa was invented by a marketing company in the late 1800’s to sell toys.  What?” he asked, catching my look of annoyance.  “It’s true.”
In the meantime, our four year old came to his own conclusion.  “Santa’s in heaven with Jesus, Mommy.  That’s good—hmm, mmh.”  He makes a little “hmm-mmh” noise when he says something he’s really happy about.
In the end, we decided that Santa wasn’t real, St. Nicholas was in heaven with Jesus, people who love them will get them presents, and that they could absolutely, under no circumstances repeat any of that to anyone at school or church under penalty of losing all of their Star Wars toys.
And that was only November 24th.  It could be an interesting month.
Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Confession 260: On Parenting

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Children are a heritage from the Lord,
    offspring a reward from him. 
Psalm 127:4


Lately, my children have been driving me crazy.  They’re loud and demanding and stubborn and messy.  They question everything.  They’re slow to listen, willful and always need to be in my presence.  Sometimes, I am tempted to go and rent a hotel room for the weekend so I can sleep and sit in silence for a bit.

My 4 year old is going through an especially trying stage.  The other day he threw a massive temper tantrum and was sent to time out.  When I went to talk to him about why he was in time out, the response I got was, “It’s none of your business!!”  I fought back the urge to grab him and throttle him, opting instead to walk out of the room and shut the door behind me.  As he was screaming for me to come back, I calmly said through the door, “I’m sorry, sweetie, but you’re not being safe right now.  Mommy will come back in when you show me you can be safe.”  His response–toy cars pelted at the door.  “Ummm….that’s not showing me you can be safe,” I said.  It was a long evening.

Sometimes, as a parent, I just want to throw my hands up in the air and walk away.  There are days when I ask myself, “Whose idea was it to have children in the first place?”  I have a split-second of longing for the pre-children days. Of course, then I remember my good friends who have lost children and I think, “What in the he double hockey sticks is wrong with you?!  How can you take so much for granted?”  And then the guilt sets in.


Compounded with that is the guilt I feel about working full-time.  Part of me longs to be at home working so that I can get more accomplished here.  But, the other part of me wants paid benefits and a regular salary.  We need it, actually.  And, I’m not always good with my children day in and day out, 24 hours a day.  No matter how hard I want to be one of those mother’s who is totally devoted to her children, I’m not sure it’s in my DNA.  
Is there anyone else out there who struggles with this vicious cycle of parenting?  Am I the only one out there who doesn’t dote on and adore my children every moment of the day?  Is it okay to want to run screaming from the house occasionally when my children are at their worst?
At the end of the day, I know my children are a precious gift.  We play and cuddle and laugh and create wonderful moments together.  I am proud of them, mostly, and see these sparks of God’s Spirit within them.  I know they’re good kids, and I know that the tantrums will pass.  As God is ever so faithful to me, so I will be faithful to my children.  I will trust in Him and listen to Him as I continue the journey of parenting.  It won’t be perfect, because I am not perfect.  And, neither are my children. But I am going to hold fast to the knowledge that these children, loud, stubborn, messy, demanding as they are, are truly a heritage from the Lord.  And, my husband and I will do our best to make them a reward for Him.

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Confession 257: The Faithful One

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Praise the Lord, all you nations;
    extol him, all you peoples. For great is his love toward us,
    and the faithfulness of the Lord endures forever.
Psalm 117:1-2 
Over the past couple of months, since school started again, my faithfulness in my daily Bible study time has been fairly sporadic.  Most mornings I rush out the door five or ten minutes late and settle for K-Love playing in the background of my thoughts as I drive to work, instead of spending some quality time in the Word.  The problem with this, for me, is that it is in the Word that I find myself drawing closer and closer to God.  When I am daily devoting myself to time in the Bible, I feel myself in sync with God.  I am more aware of his presence, I am stronger in my faith, I am more secure in my daily walk through life, and I am better equipped to serve others in need.  And, if I’m honest, there’s a part of me that fears God will turn his back on me if I am not continually faithful to him.
So, it surprised me and spoke to me this past week when I saw God’s faithfulness manifested in my life, even when I wasn’t being completely faithful to him.  One day last week, I came to work feeling pretty down.  My heart and mind were heavy with some things that were troubling me.  When I looked in my mailbox, I found a card.  It was a thank you not from my principal.  The note totally lifted me out of my “funk” and my attitude was much more positive throughout the day. It was perfect timing.  Perfect.  God’s timing always is. I saw God working again in my life later that week.  Another little thing occurred that reminded me, again, that God was faithfully looking out for me.  And here’s the kicker–I didn’t do anything to deserve it.

Sometimes I get caught up in the idea of having this reciprocal relationship with God.  I do what God wants, God shows his faithfulness to me.  And yet, that is so contrary to the way God actually works.  God IS the relationship!  God promises his faithfulness and he delivers, not because of anything I do, but because he is God.  God is faithful–period.  And he will be faithful throughout all time, regardless of the faithfulness or unfaithfulness of his children.  There is nothing we can do to earn it.  Conversely, there is nothing we can do to lose it.  If God’s faithfulness depended solely on our ability to remain faithful, we never would have been given the gift of Christ!!

Don’t get me wrong, our faithfulness is important.  We should always be seeking and drawing close to God, through his Word, prayer, worship and service.  The more time we spend with God, the more connected we will be to him and the better able we will be to live out his plans for our lives.  Yet, as humans, there will be times when our faithfulness fails.  But God’s will remain steadfast.  And when we see the steadfast love of this Faithful One, I pray that we will be drawn back to him, safely secure in his love and promise for us.

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Confession 256: Giving Beyond the Box

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“For unto you is born this day, in the City of David, a Savior, which is Christ the Lord.  And this shall be a sign unto you.  You shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling cloth and lying in a manger….Glory to God in the Highest, and on Earth, Peace, Good will to all men.”   
Luke 2:11-12, 14
It was late September when my kindergartner brought home the fall fundraising catalog for school.  Browsing through the plethora of cheap holiday “gifts”, my eye caught on the bright and festive wrapping paper section.  Looking at the multi-sized and multi-colored boxes so artfully positioned around the page, I said to my husband, “I want to have a big Christmas this year, with lots of presents for the boys to unwrap.”
Looking up from the allure of the bright and shiny packages, I rewound my brain.  Did I really just say that?  Whose birthday are we celebrating at Christmas anyway?  Oh right, JESUS’!!
Before the holiday commercial frenzy sets upon us once again, I thought it would be appropriate to remind myself, and anyone else who might read this, that the love of God entering into the world through Jesus Christ cannot be contained by a beautifully wrapped box parked under a festooned tree,   no matter how many lights the tree holds.  (At our house, it’s usually between 800-900.)
This season, I want to challenge us to give gifts to others that come from the abundance of God’s love and grace, rather than the holiday clearance sale at the department store.  Before we plunk down money on a gift for someone, let’s ask ourselves two questions:
1.       Does this gift reflect and honor the love of God that we are supposed to be celebrating this season?
   
   2.       Does this gift truly express the feelings of love, friendship, gratitude or appreciation I might have for this person?
And just a quick hint, dropping a bunch of money down on something shiny doesn’t necessarily make the item a gift of love, or, an expression of God’s love.  Don’t get me wrong.  I like jewelry as much as the next woman, but it’s not a gift I would value as much as, per say, a fun experience with my family.
In our society, most of us already have an abundance of “stuff” crowding out the living spaces in our homes.  Instead of adding to that, let’s use this Christmas season as a time to bring God’s love into the world, which was the point of the holiday in the first place.  Think about alternative gift giving.  Here are some ideas:
  
            Instead of getting your child’s teacher another coffee mug or kitchy item, make a donation of classroom supplies.  Get them a gift card to an educational supply store.  Volunteer to cover recess duty for a week.
   
          Instead of buying random gift items for extended family members, make a donation to their favorite charity on their behalf.  Better yet, make one large donation in honor of the entire family to your favorite charity and, by doing so, educate others about the good work that charity does. 

       

      Write notes of gratitude to your co-workers and deliver them with a loaf of homemade bread.  Or, get together with your co-workers and use the money you would spend on one another to adopt a family in your area.   Or, even better, adopt one of your co-workers and their family if they are in need.
    
      Scale back the money you spend on your children’s Christmas.  Instead of piling oodles of stuff under the tree, pick one nice gift you know they would really value and appreciate and leave it at that.  Then, take your children shopping to pick out clothes and presents for other children in need.  Let them wrap the gifts and help you deliver them to whatever organization you’re working through.
       
      For your spouse, make a date and spend some quality time together.  Make them a photo collage of the past year’s events that they can take with them to display at work.  Engage with them in one of their favorite activities.
The list could go on and on.  The point is, this holiday season let’s make an effort to think outside of the box—literally.  Let’s reclaim Christmas by focusing our efforts on bringing Christ into the world, showing his love both to strangers and those dearest to us.  Give Christ this Christmas.  Give His Love.  It’s brighter and shinier and bigger than any package to be found under a tree.
Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Confession 254: Why Wait?

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Saul remained at Gilgal, and all the troops with him were quaking with fear.  He waited seven days, the time set by Samuel, but Samuel did not come to Gilgal, and Saul’s men began to scatter.  So he said, “Bring me the burnt offering and the fellowship offerings.” And Saul offered up the burnt offering.  Just as he finished making the offering, Samuel arrived….”What have you done?” asked Samuel….”You have done a foolish thing,” Samuel said.
1st Samuel 13:7-11, 13
Waiting is tough.  It’s not something that is a part of our culture anymore.  We have instant everything, from rice to news.  When we want something we get it, usually immediately.  In the above passage, Saul and his troops were struggling with the desire for instant gratification.  The Philistines were surrounding them.  Saul wanted to engage and attack.  Yet God said, “Wait.”  Saul was initially okay with waiting.  After all, God had previously commanded him to wait seven days before engaging in battle.  But once his time was up, look at what happened.  He couldn’t wait.  His troops started to get antsy.  “Does Saul really know what he’s doing?” they must have asked.  Saul was the leader of the nation of Israel.  He couldn’t have his men doubting his ability to lead.  He couldn’t be seen sitting around on his thumbs waiting for some crackpot old man to show up while the Philistines were knocking at the door.  No, Saul couldn’t wait. So, Saul acted.  Assuming a role that was not his to take, Saul sacrificed to the Lord in an attempt to instill confidence in his troops and to move forward down a path he was determined to take.  He must have felt pretty good about himself.  After all, he solved a problem.  And yet, note the first words Samuel, God’s anointed prophet, had for this mighty action-oriented king.  “You have done a FOOLISH thing!”
Indeed, we often make fools of ourselves when we don’t wait upon the Lord.  Our actions are many times steeped in emotion.  We lash out in anger or fear and do damage to relationships that can take months or years to mend.   We put a hole in our bank accounts chasing after that bright shiny “thing” we so want God to want us to have.  We make impulsive decisions about our careers that leave us more stressed and beat up than we were before.  The aftermath of our impulsive actions can be shame, guilt, lack of self-worth, sadness and loss.  I cannot tell you the number of times God has humbled me as I’ve been rushing down the road from one place to the next.  And each time I think, “I am such an idiot!”
The reality for me is that waiting on God almost always takes a lot longer than I think it should.  About two and a half years ago I asked God if I could become a “for real” writer/women’s ministry worker.  You see, I have had a dream of being a professional writer since I was 10 years old.  The timing, however, has never been right.  I’ve never felt God say, affirmatively, “Yes, take this path now.”  As my teaching career has been changing over the past couple of years, I’ve been thinking more and more about pursuing this dream whole-heartedly.  I’m ready to jump in.  And yet, my heart has not heard that affirmative “YES!” from God.  I know what I want, but I don’t know what God wants.  And so, I’m compelled to wait on Him.  Because the less foolish things I do, the better off my family and I will be.
Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Confession 258: Words

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.  
Ephesians 4:29   

“Words are loaded pistols,” wrote philosopher Jean-Paul Sarte in his book, What is Literature?.  And in our contemporary, culture, we seem to thrive on using them as such.  Bullying has become a national epidemic.  Countless news reports have shown the tragic emotional and physical effects bullying has had on our nation’s youth.  CNN this week covered another story of a young woman who took her own life after being bullied by her peers.  My husband and I have had to talk with our 6 year old son about how to deal with bullies.  Being a little different, he is already a target in Kindergarten.

The worst part of it all is that bullying has become a seemingly acceptable part of our culture.  Oh, we give good lip service about how terrible it is, but take a closer look at our media and you will see that it is a practice more condoned than condemned.  Political adversaries use their words to rip each other apart.  “News” programs splash the sordid tales and scandals of “celebrities” across both pages and screens, villifying or idolizing one star or another.  Women are degraded and objectified in magazines, on television and in music.  Hot topic issues become avenues of polarization rather than opportunities for growth and change.  Our culture thrives on being mean.  It’s disgusting, and our kids are paying the price.

As Christians, we have an obligation to change the part we play in this society of verbal abuse.  It is an obligation that many churches have forgotten.  Sometimes, as Christians, we use the Word, and our words,  as weapons instead of  tools for spreading God’s message of love and mercy.  The author of the book of James refers to the tongue as “a restless evil, full of deadly poison.” (James 3:8b)  Rather, he counsels his readers to tame the tonuge and become “peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.” (James 3:17)  

Likewise, Paul exhorts the Ephesians to use their words carefully.  Paul recognized the power of words to harm and so instructed the Ephesians that whatever comes out of their mouths should be for the benefit of others, building them up rather than tearing them down.     So let me ask you two questions today.  And trust me, I am asking them of myself, as well.

1. Are the words which you speak throughout the course of the day building others up, or tearing them down?  Remember that we can easily tear someone down without speaking to them face to face.   

2. Are the messages being sent from your church–from your congregation– seeking to build others up or to tear them down?   For too long, many of our churches have been harbingers of hate, using words to tear down and to judge rather than to build up and love.   
My words are not always kind.  I do not always use them to build others up.  I succumb to gossip at times, and do get testy and lash out with words at those I love.  And yet, I try to use the wisdom God has given me to tame my tongue.  And for those times when I fail, God reminds me of the love and encouragement I am supposed to be giving.  I have to say, I’m getting pretty good at saying, “I’m sorry.”  I hope, as I continue to walk in faith over the years, that I will have less need for it.   
Blessings and Peace, 
Sara

Confession 252: On Not Growing Tomatoes

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Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.
Proverbs 19:21

“Do you have a vision for yourself?” my health coach asked.  Well, that’s the key question, isn’t it?  It’s hard to go forward with something if you don’t have a vision of what you want to achieve.
“My best friend is a pioneer woman,” I said.  “They have chickens in their backyard, and 
grow vegetables and buy organic foods.  Her children have never eaten Pop Tarts and she makes homeade granola bars with flaxseed.”
“Do you want to make homeade granola bars with flaxseed?” my very astute health coach asked.
“Not really,” I replied.  “But, I feel like I should.”

We went on from there to talk about how women in our society feel this incredible 
pressure to be everything to everyone.  We need to be supermoms, and superwives, and have super careers.  The resulting stress and pressure from continuously trying to achieve something that no one can possibly achieve leaves us feeling like failures, reaching for food and other coping mechanisms to absorb the pain.
“Have you ever heard Joyce Meyer’s tomato story?” my health coach asked.
Apparently, Joyce Meyer wanted to be a superwife/mom too.  She started sewing her children’s clothes and making things from scratch.  She grew a huge tomato garden and prayed over it that it would yield a bountiful crop.  The day came for harvesting.  She and her pioneer woman next door neighbor were going to have a harvesting/canning party.  As Joyce went out to her garden to begin the harvesting process, she found that every single one of her beautiful red tomatoes had been blighted by worms.  Quickly, she ran into the house and called her neighbor to pass on the dreadful news.  Her neighbor quickly ran to her own garden to check the precious fruit.  Lo and behold, her tomatoes were bright, red, full and worm free.  She had the perfect crop.  Needless to say, Joyce had a few strong words for God about this crop she had so carefully planted and tended too.  But God had some strong words for Joyce as well.  That day, she clearly heard God say, “I never asked you to plant tomatoes.”
“You need to give yourself a break,” my health coach said.  “If God’s not calling you to make homeade granola bars, it’s okay.  You need to figure out what kind of life God is calling you to lead and do that.”
In that moment, I felt a huge weight lift from my shoulders.  For now, the Pop Tarts are okay.  Moreover, I can be okay right where I am.  Right now, I am where God wants me to be.  There’s a purpose and a plan.  And, there’s a vision.  I know in my heart exactly what I want to do, who I want to be.  I’m not sure yet how to get there, but I don’t think I have to have that part figured out just yet.  I need to just be in the here and now. I need to rest and  be assured that God’s got the greater purpose and a plan already in motion.  And while I want a door to be thrown wide open right now, I know that I can’t do anything until God is ready for it to be done.  Because when I wait on God, big things can happen.  All I know for sure is that I’m not going to be growing any tomatoes!

Blessings and Peace,
Sara