You know the Lord is God! He created us, and we belong to him; we are his people, the sheep in his pasture. Psalm 100:3 (CEV)
Lately, I have been wrestling with those demons of insecurity. If you’re a woman, you probably know what I’m talking about–those voices inside your head that tell you you’re not thin enough, hip enough, smart enough, outgoing enough, blah, blah, blah.
At a week away from 40 (yikes!) I thought I would be past all of that. However, our recent move has brought it all back with a vengeance. I’m struggling to fit into this new community. I don’t walk into the grocery store and know people by name. I don’t have friends to hang out with. I don’t have a coffee shop.
All of this came to a head at our new school’s PTA skate night. Standing in the middle of a crowded room, unsteady on feet that were wearing wheels for shoes, I found myself thinking, “I miss our old community. I miss having friends.” In our old community, I knew a lot of people. PTA events were fun because I was part of the group. I knew lots of other parents, I knew the teachers and school staff. I had friends I could laugh with as I attempted to skate. Now, I look around and recognize no one. I feel out of place in my graphic t’s and Converse sneaks. I wonder if I should wear make-up and shop at the Gap. I might need to upgrade my mini-van.
Before going too far down this dark and windy self-pity road, I decided to pull off the skates (really, I was just a danger to myself and others) and help my oldest move past the wall to the middle of the rink. As we skated around the rink, something incredible happened. A classmate of my son’s came over and started skating with us. I looked across the rink toward my husband and our youngest son. Miracle of miracles, he had a classmate skating with him, too! I suddenly realized, our boys have friends! And, the best part of all, they didn’t feel the need to change themselves to make that happen!!
Both of our boys march to the beat of their own drums. Our oldest will proudly proclaim, “I’m weird!” And our youngest, well, he just doesn’t care what anyone else thinks.
Seeing our boys thrive in the midst of this new situation opened my eyes to the idea that, maybe, I don’t have to change either to fit in. Maybe being me is okay.
I’d love to tell you that all of my insecurities vanished overnight after skate night, but that’s just not true. However, I am being more open with God about how I’m feeling. And, I’m respecting the fact that God loves me regardless of whether or not I coordinate my outfits. God has work that he’s created me to do, and if I do that, I’m fitting in just where I need to be.
Blessings and Peace,