Confession 260: On Parenting

November 24, 2012August 30, 20134 Comments

Children are a heritage from the Lord,
offspring a reward from him.

Psalm 127:4

Lately, my children have been driving me crazy. They’re loud and demanding and stubborn and messy. They question everything. They’re slow to listen, willful and always need to be in my presence. Sometimes, I am tempted to go and rent a hotel room for the weekend so I can sleep and sit in silence for a bit.

My 4 year old is going through an especially trying stage. The other day he threw a massive temper tantrum and was sent to time out. When I went to talk to him about why he was in time out, the response I got was, “It’s none of your business!!” I fought back the urge to grab him and throttle him, opting instead to walk out of the room and shut the door behind me. As he was screaming for me to come back, I calmly said through the door, “I’m sorry, sweetie, but you’re not being safe right now. Mommy will come back in when you show me you can be safe.” His response–toy cars pelted at the door. “Ummm….that’s not showing me you can be safe,” I said. It was a long evening.

Sometimes, as a parent, I just want to throw my hands up in the air and walk away. There are days when I ask myself, “Whose idea was it to have children in the first place?” I have a split-second of longing for the pre-children days. Of course, then I remember my good friends who have lost children and I think, “What in the he double hockey sticks is wrong with you?! How can you take so much for granted?” And then the guilt sets in.

Compounded with that is the guilt I feel about working full-time. Part of me longs to be at home working so that I can get more accomplished here. But, the other part of me wants paid benefits and a regular salary. We need it, actually. And, I’m not always good with my children day in and day out, 24 hours a day. No matter how hard I want to be one of those mother’s who is totally devoted to her children, I’m not sure it’s in my DNA.

Is there anyone else out there who struggles with this vicious cycle of parenting? Am I the only one out there who doesn’t dote on and adore my children every moment of the day? Is it okay to want to run screaming from the house occasionally when my children are at their worst?

At the end of the day, I know my children are a precious gift. We play and cuddle and laugh and create wonderful moments together. I am proud of them, mostly, and see these sparks of God’s Spirit within them. I know they’re good kids, and I know that the tantrums will pass. As God is ever so faithful to me, so I will be faithful to my children. I will trust in Him and listen to Him as I continue the journey of parenting. It won’t be perfect, because I am not perfect. And, neither are my children. But I am going to hold fast to the knowledge that these children, loud, stubborn, messy, demanding as they are, are truly a heritage from the Lord. And, my husband and I will do our best to make them a reward for Him.

Blessings and Peace,

Sara

Confession 257: The Faithful One

November 15, 2012August 30, 20132 Comments

Praise the Lord, all you nations;
extol him, all you peoples.For great is his love toward us,
and the faithfulness of the Lord endures forever.

Psalm 117:1-2

Over the past couple of months, since school started again, my faithfulness in my daily Bible study time has been fairly sporadic. Most mornings I rush out the door five or ten minutes late and settle for K-Love playing in the background of my thoughts as I drive to work, instead of spending some quality time in the Word. The problem with this, for me, is that it is in the Word that I find myself drawing closer and closer to God. When I am daily devoting myself to time in the Bible, I feel myself in sync with God. I am more aware of his presence, I am stronger in my faith, I am more secure in my daily walk through life, and I am better equipped to serve others in need. And, if I’m honest, there’s a part of me that fears God will turn his back on me if I am not continually faithful to him.

So, it surprised me and spoke to me this past week when I saw God’s faithfulness manifested in my life, even when I wasn’t being completely faithful to him. One day last week, I came to work feeling pretty down. My heart and mind were heavy with some things that were troubling me. When I looked in my mailbox, I found a card. It was a thank you not from my principal. The note totally lifted me out of my “funk” and my attitude was much more positive throughout the day. It was perfect timing. Perfect. God’s timing always is. I saw God working again in my life later that week. Another little thing occurred that reminded me, again, that God was faithfully looking out for me. And here’s the kicker–I didn’t do anything to deserve it.

Sometimes I get caught up in the idea of having this reciprocal relationship with God. I do what God wants, God shows his faithfulness to me. And yet, that is so contrary to the way God actually works. God IS the relationship! God promises his faithfulness and he delivers, not because of anything I do, but because he is God. God is faithful–period. And he will be faithful throughout all time, regardless of the faithfulness or unfaithfulness of his children. There is nothing we can do to earn it. Conversely, there is nothing we can do to lose it. If God’s faithfulness depended solely on our ability to remain faithful, we never would have been given the gift of Christ!!

Don’t get me wrong, our faithfulness is important. We should always be seeking and drawing close to God, through his Word, prayer, worship and service. The more time we spend with God, the more connected we will be to him and the better able we will be to live out his plans for our lives. Yet, as humans, there will be times when our faithfulness fails. But God’s will remain steadfast. And when we see the steadfast love of this Faithful One, I pray that we will be drawn back to him, safely secure in his love and promise for us.

Blessings and Peace,

Sara

Confession 256: Giving Beyond the Box

November 2, 2012August 30, 20133 Comments

“For unto you is born this day, in the City of David, a Savior, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you. You shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling cloth and lying in a manger….Glory to God in the Highest, and on Earth, Peace, Good will to all men.”

Luke 2:11-12, 14

It was late September when my kindergartner brought home the fall fundraising catalog for school. Browsing through the plethora of cheap holiday “gifts”, my eye caught on the bright and festive wrapping paper section. Looking at the multi-sized and multi-colored boxes so artfully positioned around the page, I said to my husband, “I want to have a big Christmas this year, with lots of presents for the boys to unwrap.”

Looking up from the allure of the bright and shiny packages, I rewound my brain. Did I really just say that? Whose birthday are we celebrating at Christmas anyway? Oh right, JESUS’!!

Before the holiday commercial frenzy sets upon us once again, I thought it would be appropriate to remind myself, and anyone else who might read this, that the love of God entering into the world through Jesus Christ cannot be contained by a beautifully wrapped box parked under a festooned tree, no matter how many lights the tree holds. (At our house, it’s usually between 800-900.)

This season, I want to challenge us to give gifts to others that come from the abundance of God’s love and grace, rather than the holiday clearance sale at the department store. Before we plunk down money on a gift for someone, let’s ask ourselves two questions:

1. Does this gift reflect and honor the love of God that we are supposed to be celebrating this season?

2. Does this gift truly express the feelings of love, friendship, gratitude or appreciation I might have for this person?

And just a quick hint, dropping a bunch of money down on something shiny doesn’t necessarily make the item a gift of love, or, an expression of God’s love. Don’t get me wrong. I like jewelry as much as the next woman, but it’s not a gift I would value as much as, per say, a fun experience with my family.

In our society, most of us already have an abundance of “stuff” crowding out the living spaces in our homes. Instead of adding to that, let’s use this Christmas season as a time to bring God’s love into the world, which was the point of the holiday in the first place. Think about alternative gift giving. Here are some ideas:

Instead of getting your child’s teacher another coffee mug or kitchy item, make a donation of classroom supplies. Get them a gift card to an educational supply store. Volunteer to cover recess duty for a week.

Instead of buying random gift items for extended family members, make a donation to their favorite charity on their behalf. Better yet, make one large donation in honor of the entire family to your favorite charity and, by doing so, educate others about the good work that charity does.

Write notes of gratitude to your co-workers and deliver them with a loaf of homemade bread. Or, get together with your co-workers and use the money you would spend on one another to adopt a family in your area. Or, even better, adopt one of your co-workers and their family if they are in need.

Scale back the money you spend on your children’s Christmas. Instead of piling oodles of stuff under the tree, pick one nice gift you know they would really value and appreciate and leave it at that. Then, take your children shopping to pick out clothes and presents for other children in need. Let them wrap the gifts and help you deliver them to whatever organization you’re working through.

For your spouse, make a date and spend some quality time together. Make them a photo collage of the past year’s events that they can take with them to display at work. Engage with them in one of their favorite activities.

The list could go on and on. The point is, this holiday season let’s make an effort to think outside of the box—literally. Let’s reclaim Christmas by focusing our efforts on bringing Christ into the world, showing his love both to strangers and those dearest to us. Give Christ this Christmas. Give His Love. It’s brighter and shinier and bigger than any package to be found under a tree.

Blessings and Peace,

Sara

Confession 254: Why Wait?

October 31, 2012August 30, 20132 Comments

Saul remained at Gilgal, and all the troops with him were quaking with fear. He waited seven days, the time set by Samuel, but Samuel did not come to Gilgal, and Saul’s men began to scatter. So he said, “Bring me the burnt offering and the fellowship offerings.” And Saul offered up the burnt offering. Just as he finished making the offering, Samuel arrived….”What have you done?” asked Samuel….”You have done a foolish thing,” Samuel said.

1st Samuel 13:7-11, 13

Waiting is tough. It’s not something that is a part of our culture anymore. We have instant everything, from rice to news. When we want something we get it, usually immediately. In the above passage, Saul and his troops were struggling with the desire for instant gratification. The Philistines were surrounding them. Saul wanted to engage and attack. Yet God said, “Wait.” Saul was initially okay with waiting. After all, God had previously commanded him to wait seven days before engaging in battle. But once his time was up, look at what happened. He couldn’t wait. His troops started to get antsy. “Does Saul really know what he’s doing?” they must have asked. Saul was the leader of the nation of Israel. He couldn’t have his men doubting his ability to lead. He couldn’t be seen sitting around on his thumbs waiting for some crackpot old man to show up while the Philistines were knocking at the door. No, Saul couldn’t wait. So, Saul acted. Assuming a role that was not his to take, Saul sacrificed to the Lord in an attempt to instill confidence in his troops and to move forward down a path he was determined to take. He must have felt pretty good about himself. After all, he solved a problem. And yet, note the first words Samuel, God’s anointed prophet, had for this mighty action-oriented king. “You have done a FOOLISH thing!”

Indeed, we often make fools of ourselves when we don’t wait upon the Lord. Our actions are many times steeped in emotion. We lash out in anger or fear and do damage to relationships that can take months or years to mend. We put a hole in our bank accounts chasing after that bright shiny “thing” we so want God to want us to have. We make impulsive decisions about our careers that leave us more stressed and beat up than we were before. The aftermath of our impulsive actions can be shame, guilt, lack of self-worth, sadness and loss. I cannot tell you the number of times God has humbled me as I’ve been rushing down the road from one place to the next. And each time I think, “I am such an idiot!”

The reality for me is that waiting on God almost always takes a lot longer than I think it should. About two and a half years ago I asked God if I could become a “for real” writer/women’s ministry worker. You see, I have had a dream of being a professional writer since I was 10 years old. The timing, however, has never been right. I’ve never felt God say, affirmatively, “Yes, take this path now.” As my teaching career has been changing over the past couple of years, I’ve been thinking more and more about pursuing this dream whole-heartedly. I’m ready to jump in. And yet, my heart has not heard that affirmative “YES!” from God. I know what I want, but I don’t know what God wants. And so, I’m compelled to wait on Him. Because the less foolish things I do, the better off my family and I will be.

Blessings and Peace,

Sara

Confession 259:Living by Faith

October 24, 20121 Comment

I have the great honor today of posting a blog for The Domestc Fringe. She is awesome!! Check out her 31 Days of Living by Faith series. You’ll remember how amazing our God is!

Blessins and Peace
Sara

Confession 258: Words

October 19, 2012

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

Ephesians 4:29

“Words are loaded pistols,” wrote philosopher Jean-Paul Sarte in his book, What is Literature?. And in our contemporary, culture, we seem to thrive on using them as such. Bullying has become a national epidemic. Countless news reports have shown the tragic emotional and physical effects bullying has had on our nation’s youth. CNN this week covered another story of a young woman who took her own life after being bullied by her peers. My husband and I have had to talk with our 6 year old son about how to deal with bullies. Being a little different, he is already a target in Kindergarten.

The worst part of it all is that bullying has become a seemingly acceptable part of our culture. Oh, we give good lip service about how terrible it is, but take a closer look at our media and you will see that it is a practice more condoned than condemned. Political adversaries use their words to rip each other apart. “News” programs splash the sordid tales and scandals of “celebrities” across both pages and screens, villifying or idolizing one star or another. Women are degraded and objectified in magazines, on television and in music. Hot topic issues become avenues of polarization rather than opportunities for growth and change. Our culture thrives on being mean. It’s disgusting, and our kids are paying the price.

As Christians, we have an obligation to change the part we play in this society of verbal abuse. It is an obligation that many churches have forgotten. Sometimes, as Christians, we use the Word, and our words, as weapons instead of tools for spreading God’s message of love and mercy. The author of the book of James refers to the tongue as “a restless evil, full of deadly poison.” (James 3:8b) Rather, he counsels his readers to tame the tonuge and become “peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.” (James 3:17)

Likewise, Paul exhorts the Ephesians to use their words carefully. Paul recognized the power of words to harm and so instructed the Ephesians that whatever comes out of their mouths should be for the benefit of others, building them up rather than tearing them down. So let me ask you two questions today. And trust me, I am asking them of myself, as well.

1. Are the words which you speak throughout the course of the day building others up, or tearing them down? Remember that we can easily tear someone down without speaking to them face to face.

2. Are the messages being sent from your church–from your congregation– seeking to build others up or to tear them down? For too long, many of our churches have been harbingers of hate, using words to tear down and to judge rather than to build up and love.

My words are not always kind. I do not always use them to build others up. I succumb to gossip at times, and do get testy and lash out with words at those I love. And yet, I try to use the wisdom God has given me to tame my tongue. And for those times when I fail, God reminds me of the love and encouragement I am supposed to be giving. I have to say, I’m getting pretty good at saying, “I’m sorry.” I hope, as I continue to walk in faith over the years, that I will have less need for it.

Blessings and Peace,

Sara

Confession 252: On Not Growing Tomatoes

October 14, 20125 Comments

Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.

Proverbs 19:21

“Do you have a vision for yourself?” my health coach asked. Well, that’s the key question, isn’t it? It’s hard to go forward with something if you don’t have a vision of what you want to achieve.

“My best friend is a pioneer woman,” I said. “They have chickens in their backyard, and

grow vegetables and buy organic foods. Her children have never eaten Pop Tarts and she makes homeade granola bars with flaxseed.”

“Do you want to make homeade granola bars with flaxseed?” my very astute health coach asked.

“Not really,” I replied. “But, I feel like I should.”

We went on from there to talk about how women in our society feel this incredible

pressure to be everything to everyone. We need to be supermoms, and superwives, and have super careers. The resulting stress and pressure from continuously trying to achieve something that no one can possibly achieve leaves us feeling like failures, reaching for food and other coping mechanisms to absorb the pain.

“Have you ever heard Joyce Meyer’s tomato story?” my health coach asked.

Apparently, Joyce Meyer wanted to be a superwife/mom too. She started sewing her children’s clothes and making things from scratch. She grew a huge tomato garden and prayed over it that it would yield a bountiful crop. The day came for harvesting. She and her pioneer woman next door neighbor were going to have a harvesting/canning party. As Joyce went out to her garden to begin the harvesting process, she found that every single one of her beautiful red tomatoes had been blighted by worms. Quickly, she ran into the house and called her neighbor to pass on the dreadful news. Her neighbor quickly ran to her own garden to check the precious fruit. Lo and behold, her tomatoes were bright, red, full and worm free. She had the perfect crop. Needless to say, Joyce had a few strong words for God about this crop she had so carefully planted and tended too. But God had some strong words for Joyce as well. That day, she clearly heard God say, “I never asked you to plant tomatoes.”

“You need to give yourself a break,” my health coach said. “If God’s not calling you to make homeade granola bars, it’s okay. You need to figure out what kind of life God is calling you to lead and do that.”

In that moment, I felt a huge weight lift from my shoulders. For now, the Pop Tarts are okay. Moreover, I can be okay right where I am. Right now, I am where God wants me to be. There’s a purpose and a plan. And, there’s a vision. I know in my heart exactly what I want to do, who I want to be. I’m not sure yet how to get there, but I don’t think I have to have that part figured out just yet. I need to just be in the here and now. I need to rest and be assured that God’s got the greater purpose and a plan already in motion. And while I want a door to be thrown wide open right now, I know that I can’t do anything until God is ready for it to be done. Because when I wait on God, big things can happen. All I know for sure is that I’m not going to be growing any tomatoes!

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Confession 251: Discipline

October 13, 20124 Comments

Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it. Matthew 7:13-15

It’s ironic that I would be writing a post on discipline since I haven’t blogged in almost a month!! However, it’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. We live in a culture that glorifies excess. As Americans, we overeat, overspend, overexert, overcommit, overindulge, overopinionate, (yes, I’m creating new words here), overstuff…you name it, we over it!! Unfortunately, all of this overing tends to wreck havoc on our lives. We find ourselves depressed, unfulfilled, stressed out, exhausted, broken, lost.

Recently, I found myself settling into a bit of a depression over my weight. I am ashamed to say that I allowed myself to overindulge on food to the extent that my weight had risen to the number it was when I was 9 months pregnant. I hated the way I looked, hated the way Ifelt. It took me at least 20 minutes to get dressed each morning because I was too fat to fit into my clothes. Something had to give. Literally, my waist. So, I have enrolled in a weight loss program. I’ve been on the meal plan for a week. It’s been grueling and I’ve been cranky and irritable and desperate for some nachos. But when I stepped on the scale today, I was six pounds lighter!! So, I’m totally going to stay on this straight and narrow path!

I think I understand, more and more, what Jesus was talking about when he talked about following the narrow road that leads to life. When we discipline our lives, when we set parameters on ouselves rather than engaging in our culture’s over the top everything, we live with greater purpose. When we focus ourselves in on something, it takes on more meaning. We give it our best effort. It becomes important to us. And, moreover, when we engage in self discipline, whether it be to lose weight, save money, spend more time with our family, disengage from the t.v., or to draw closer to God, we find ourselves living a more fulfilling life. We become achievers, rather than accumulators.

It’s not easy, though, to live a disciplined life. Personally, it goes against almost every fiber of my being. I like immediate gratification. I don’t like giving things up, especially food. It takes awhile to get into the groove. There’s a reason God had the Israelites wandering around the desert for 40 years. They were learning to be disciplined. It can take a long time! But look at the promise Jesus gives…..this road of discipline is a road that leads to life.

Please don’t think I’m telling you that you have to stop eating, stop shopping, and stop reading anything but your Bible. I think God intended for life to be enjoyed!! I just think that discipline can be good for our souls, and our bodies, and that perhaps the narrow road is the better way to go.

As Robert Frost wrote of the choice between two roads….“And I, I took the road less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.”

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Confession 250: Offering

September 24, 20121 Comment

From what you have, take an offering for the Lord. Everyone who is willing is to bring to the Lord an offering…
Exodus 35:5

Zooming through the book of Exodus this morning, working to catch up on my “B90X” (Bible in 90 Days) challenge, this verse brought me up short in both a figurative and literal sense. God was in the process of directing the newly freed people of Israel to construct a dwelling place for him. Obviously, the desert did not supply a great deal of building materials, so it was up to the people of Israel to furnish the supplies that would build and adorn this Most Holy of Holy places. God could have said, “Everyone bring me a pound of gold, 5 pounds of silver and 25 yards of dyed silk.” Or, “Every household must bring me a case of your finest Shiraz along with your sterling silver flatware and any jewels you might have squirrled away.” God brought the Israelites out of Egypt and fed them for forty years from the storehouses of heaven. Surely it would be within his right to demand elaborate gifts.

And yet, God did no such thing. Instead of demanding, God simply made an offer…if you are willing, then give to me from what you already have. Notice he didn’t add, “It’s all mine, anyway,” at the end of that statement. Although it is, and he could have pointed that out at any point in this dialog. But God has never been interested in our compliance. Rather, God is seeking a relationship with his people, a relationship built on love and devotion and trust.

In verse 21 the author writes, “and everyone who was willing and whose heart moved them came and brought an offering to the Lord.” We give to God because our hearts are moved by his love. We give to God because our hearts are full of gratitude for the many things he has done for us. We give to God because our hearts yearn to share his love with others.

And what, exactly, are we called to give? We give from what we have. The ancient Israelites left Egypt with everything needed to construct the Tabernacle of the Lord so that God might physically dwell with them. God saw to it that they had plenty to give so that they might experience him. Likewise, God equips us today with everything we need to share the experience of God’s love with others. Most of us have extra money that we can use to help those in need. Most of us have possessions, like clothes, gathering dust in closets or on shelves that we could give as an offering to others. All of us have gifts which God has endowed us with to use as an offering in ministry for and with others.

The problem is, we aren’t always willing to bring our offerings to the Lord. Our hearts are not moved enough to give. I would like to say that I get up every day ready to pour myself out for the work of the Lord. In reality, I’d rather sleep in. I’d rather spend the extra bit of money I have on things like boutique shower gels and hand soaps, cd’s, books, clothes, fancy coffee, and whatever else might catch my eye than put that money aside to give to someone struggling to make ends meet. Instead of using the new tablet my family got me to work on my writing (for which they got it for me in the first place), I play mindless games that suck away time I could spend on more important things.

It’s not that any of those things are wrong in and of themselves, but when they prevent me from offering myself fully and completely to God’s service, they do become a problem. God says, “Give me what you have.” I say, “How about just one thing?” Or, “Mmmm….not today.” What does that say about the state of my heart? What does your offering say about yours?

I want to close this blog with one final piece of scripture. In Exodus 26 we find that the people have brought so much to give to the construction of the Lord’s tabernacle that the workers cannot use it all. The foreman went to Moses and said, “The people are bringing more than enough for doing the work the Lord commanded to be done.” (Vs. 5)

Do you see it? If we, God’s people, were to bring all we had to give to the Lord then it would be more than enough to do the work God has called us to do. Can you imagine what that would like? No more hunger. An end to poverty. Recovery from addictions. Forgiveness abounding. Peace. Love. Justice. Vibrant faith. “From what you have, take an offering for the Lord…” What shall we bring for the Lord today?

Blessings and Peace,
Sara