I just got off the phone with the health insurance company and am feeling annoyed and discouraged.  It seems that I am one of those dwindling lower middle class citizens who cannot really afford health insurance, but cannot really afford to not have it either.  Since I take 100mg of Zoloft each day, I fall into the “pre-existing condition clause” which basically means that I get to pay an extra $80+ bucks a month for a pill it probably cost about $.50 to make.  I called the insurance company today to try and change my plan, only to be left 45 minutes later with the same plan and an application for a new plan that I’m not eligible for until January 1st that might lower my premium $50 per month.  It seems that no matter how many health care reforms the government legislates, insurance companies keep finding ways around them.  I’m not going to go off an a tirade against health insurance companies, I’m just saying that to insure my boys and I it costs over $400 per month because I take one pill and my oldest son has Uvitis and sees an eye specialist on a regular basis.  The laughable part of all of this is that I signed us all up for individual health insurance policies because it seemed, in my research, that was going to be cheaper than putting us all on one!  Of course, with my son’s pre-existing condition we have to go through a state sponsored health insurance pool because the insurance companies won’t take him on, although the pool is run by a major insurance company.  Someone please explain that to me!!  Oh well, enough of the tirade.

The reality is that each of us has moments in life where we want to throw our hands up and say, “I give!”  It could be financial struggles, or chronic health struggles, or relationship struggles.  And, they come about not because we’ve done anything “wrong” or made poor choices or angered God in some way, but because we are human beings living in a human world.  Fortunately, as Christians, we know that this is not the end of the story.  We were not made to struggle through life giving in and giving up.  On the contrary, God has placed a spirit of hope within each of us to persevere through our struggles, to be steadfast with our eyes fixed on Christ allowing God to work within and throughout our hardships in order that he may be glorified when we triumph.

As Paul writes in Romans 8, we are more than conquerors through Christ who loved us, so much so that there is nothing in this world or beyond that can separate us from his abundant love; no insurance companies that can strip us of our faith and trust in him.  So when I feel that the world is getting the upper hand, I do as the Psalmist commands in Psalm 121: I lift up my eyes to the hills and see that my help comes from the Lord, the creator of heaven and Earth.  The God who set the mountains in place and told the rivers where to run is the God who is carrying me.  He will not let my foot slip.  Indeed, he who watches over his children will neither slumber nor sleep.

Thank God for the Word!  My day is suddenly looking up!!

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

A few pots ago, I wrote about the idea of living expectantly–realizing that God is capable of doing amazing things and raising our expectations so God can do them.  I received an e-mail this past week from a former acquaintance that I wanted to share which spoke directly to this.  I LOVE stories like this, and I hope you find as much wonder and encouragement from it as I did!

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

“My oldest son Devin who is 29 has been searching for a friend he had back in the 8^th grade.   They were best friends and lost touch somewhere along the way.   He knew his Dad had been a preacher in the Houston area and that Jason had been a Marine.    Devin had been searching the internet and googling everything he could think of to find Jason for the past year.    Last week another friend of Devin’s called him to come “rescue” him.    He had been in jail for drugs and I guess just looked like warmed over death.   It really got to Devin.   This guy was a really good friend.   A renewed interested in finding Jason became urgent.

So I just wanted to thank you for reminding me about praying specifically and the joy it brings and I will resume doing so now.”

I just started a new book called The Gift of An Ordinary Day: A Mother’s Memoir by Katrina Kenison.  It’s the story of how Kenison and her husband packed up the life they knew, a life they had carefully cultivated, to move from suburbia to rural America as their two sons were moving through adolescence in order to make the best for them and to come to terms with their changing lives.  I’m only three chapters in, but already have had several moments of, “Oh, my gosh!!  That’s so profound!”  I was actually reading part of the book aloud to my husband on a recent trip into the city while he was held captive at the wheel.  There was a passage in which Kenison was describing her older son that resonated with me in my dealings with my own oldest child.  Granted, Kenison’s son was a teenager at the time and mine is four, so the circumstances aren’t quite the same, but the message is still applicable, I think.  Kenison writes that:

“Rather than try to project who our older son might or might not one day turn out to be, we needed to try and appreciate and understand who he is right now.  And then we needed to meet him there, loving and accepting him just as he was, supporting his journey of self-discovery, crooked and long though his path might turn out to be.” (pg. 26)

 “Oh, my gosh!!  That’s so profound!”  Talk about being blown away!  How often, as parents, do we try to project our own dreams and desires onto our children?  We want things for them that we often wanted for ourselves.  We see the road that they should take, forgetting that it is in the winding journey itself that they will learn so much about themselves and who they were created to be.  My oldest son, at the age of four, already marches to the beat of his own drum.  We lovingly refer to him as “the weird kid”.  I understand, of course, that part of the weirdness is just the age, but part of it is who he is.  And, I’m okay with that. He is who he is, and although middle school might be a bit rough, God has a plan and purpose for all that “weirdness”!

It struck me that, as Kenison calls us to meet our own children where they are, so God meets us exactly where we are, too.  He lets us make our own journeys of self-discovery and faith.  He allows us to try, to fail, and pulls us back up again.  Moreover, God loves each of us and accepts us for who we are.  This realization proposes a bit of a challenge for me.   There’s a struggle in my spiritual life that I have been ignoring for years, and that struggle is coming to terms with the notion that God loves me for who I am, not who I think I should be.

Do you know what my prayer has been for myself every day for years?  “God, please help me to be someone today you can be proud of.  Please help me to deserve the love you have shown and let my life be worth the sacrifice you made.”  You see, after spending my entire life, literally, in the church, I still fail to grasp the nature of God’s love for me.  It is unfathomable to me that God can love me for who I am and not who I think I should be!!  As a natural-born people pleaser, I think that I need to “please” God, completely ignoring the fact that when God created me he pronounced to the heavens, “(She) is good!”  God loves me in all of my human-ness because HE MADE ME!!  Every quirk I have is a gift from him, and although my mother literally birthed me into the world, it was God who breathed into me that breath of life.  Instead of praying that I may “please” God, a better prayer would be that my day would bring God glory and praise.

My love for my boys is deep and wide.  There is nothing I can conceive of them doing that would diminish that love, no “weirdness” a mother’s love can’t overcome.  I can accept them for who God created them to be and encourage them along the paths they will take, even if the path is not one I would have chosen.  The challenge is to let God do the same with me.

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

I have been subbing for the Family and Consumer Sciences  teacher all this week at our local high school.  I’ve been teaching Personal Finance again–it just won’t go away!!  I’m also teaching Child Development and Nutrition, which has been kind of fun.  I was worried when I first went in to visit with the teacher last week before she left because she had a sewing machine out.  We would have had problems!!  Luckily, the focus has been on electronic banking, prenatal development and teen health–all things I can handle!!  I’ve been subbing quite frequently throughout our school district (it’s tiny) and I have to say, I’m a little torn.  On the one hand, I love being in a classroom again.  On the other, staying home has been kind of fun too.  Scratch that last part–child number two is screaming for milk and working on pushing me out of the chair even as I type.  Don’t worry, I’m not ignoring him.  He wouldn’t let me, even if I wanted to! 🙂

God truly works in mysterious ways.  I never thought I could be so content substitute teaching, but I actually love it.  My best friend told me shortly after we moved that God had placed something new and interesting in my life every time we moved and that he would do no less this time.  Of course, she was right!  I wish I could learn to have more faith in the moment rather than discovering it after all is said and done.  I’m sure God will give me plenty of opportunities for growth in the future!!

Well, I have a sheet cake and a huge vat of stuffing to make for our church’s Turkey Dinner Friday, so I should probably take advantage of the boys being in the bath to accomplish one of those things.  Yet, as the daylight wanes and the nights grow longer, (and the Republicans take back over the House) (Sorry–couldn’t help myself!!  Heaven help me, I’m a “Yellow-Dog Dem” to the end!) I wanted to leave you with this word from the Gospel of John:

Put your trust in the light while you have the light, so that you may become children of light…I have come into the world as a light, so that no one who believes in me should stay in the darkness.  John 12: 36 & 46

As I took my boys shopping yesterday for some cooler weather clothes that would actually cover their skin, three days before November, I was bombarded with images of Christmas.  Actually, the holiday to celebrate Christ’s birth has been so commercialized that I don’t think it appropriate to call it Christmas anymore.  You could go with X-Mas, but X in Latin represents Christ so in the end, I guess we’re just left with “Mas” which could easily translate to mess.  Is that too cynical?  I think, as a society, we’re just going back to our pagan roots where the big holiday celebration was the Winter Solstice.  It’s actually the reason we, as Christians, celebrate Christ’s birth on December 25.  The early church was trying to counter paganism with big holiday celebrations of its own.  How ironic that over 1000 years later we would be in the same position as the early church leaders.

Over the past few years, our family has tried to take some different approaches to the winter holidays to bring it back to Christmas. We’ve done alternative gift giving, taken a family vacation in lieu of a big holiday celebration, and engaged in Advent studies.  Last December, my husband and I took a trip to the mall in mid-December and came to the realization that we were the only seemingly happy people to be found in the place, all because we had absolutely no gifts to buy!! It was beautiful, and I think we were able to truly enjoy the season.

This year, I’ve decided to embark on a new bring back the true holiday quest.  I am going to make a public pledge to not turn myself in any way toward Christmas until at least December 1st.  No decorating, no carols (except in cantata practice), no gift planning or purchasing, no decoration purchasing, no Christmas card purchasing, no holiday baking or prepping for holiday baking until at least December 1st!  I am going to fully appreciate the season of Fall and celebrate Thanksgiving without looking forward to the next big event.  I am going to take my time and truly enter into a season of Advent so that I may fully appreciate the gift of Christ into a world of so much need.  Heck, maybe we’ll be true traditionalists this year and not celebrate Christmas until Christmas, and then enter the 12 days of Christmas and celebrate Epiphany.  Okay, that might just be crazy talk. 🙂  But you get the point.

My question now is, are you up for the pledge?  Can you leave “Mas” to the masses in order to focus on the Christ in the midst of it?  Will you pledge with me to restrain from the season until at least December 1st?

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

My boys are both absolute “mama’s boys”.  What that translates to is wherever Mama is, that’s where they are. On the rare occasion that someone other than Grandma, Grandpa or Auntie calls, I try to disengage myself from the noise of having a two and a four year old boy by walking to a seldom used corner of the house so that I can fully grasp why someone who is not Grandma, Grandpa or Auntie would be calling.  The caller usually gets through the first sentence before my rowdy ones descend and I’m left trying to piece-meal together the conversation I was having.  I’ve given up daily showers.  They boys always want to take one too, and our shower was really only made for one.  Sometimes I go and hide in the bathroom to read a magazine, but just when I get into an article, the boys come barreling in slamming every door along the way.  I could lock them out, but the last time I did that we ended up with a sofa covered in raw egg, so it’s really best to have them in eye-sight or ear-shot at all times.

Lately, my two-year-old has been calling, “Wait for me!” whenever I get even a step in front of him.  Actually, with his tendency to take the first letter off of every word it actually is, “Ate or eee!”  As I was waiting for him to catch up the other day (which took all of two seconds) I thought, “This is what God does all the time!”  Not only does God call out, “Wait for me!”, but he also waits patiently on the other end of a situation for us to catch up!!

How many times do we try to run ahead in any given situation, only to end up back at the start?  I try to be a patient person.  Yet unfortunately, it is one of the fruits of the Spirit I don’t always work to cultivate.  Recently, I was faced with a life situation in which I lost my patience.  I decided God wasn’t moving fast enough for me to resolve the issue, so I took it upon myself to make some headway.  I heard God calling out to me, “Wait for me!”  But I was warmed up and ready to run.  So, run I did.  In the end, I had a month of undue worry and stress which put me right back where I started in the first place.  I didn’t wait, but God did.  When I had lost my race, God was waiting right back at the start.  Wouldn’t you know, the moment I slowed down to wait for God, God began working to resolve the situation in his way–the better way.

Psalm 27:14 exhorts us to “Wait for the Lord: be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord!”
Lamentations 3:26 also reminds us that “it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.”

So, how’s your patience been, lately?  Are you waiting?  God’s plan is perfect.  The question is, can we wait?

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Okay, after a brief hiatus in which my computer went with my husband to Chicago (truly, I missed my husband more) we are back online.  I’ve been thinking the past week about praying expectantly.  It’s part of a Bible study I’m leading.  I’ve realized, through the course of this study, that I do not always pray with expectation.  And, I’ve found that if I’m not praying with expectation, then I am not living with expectation.  I don’t bring everything to God, because deep down, I don’t always believe that God cares.  I also worry at times that God won’t hear or act on my prayers because I am not “good enough”.  As a life-long Christian, I know in my head this is not true.  But my heart doesn’t always live it out.  And so, I’ve decided that I am going to embark on a journey to live expectantly.  I worship a God, THE God, who created the world and all that is in it.  He knows every hair on my head, and yours as well.  He parted the sea with a word, breathed life into the dead, and is the only being who has ever EVER pulled off a true resurrection!  I need to expect more!! 

I need to wake up each morning feeling that God has exceeded himself in just giving me another day with my husband and my boys, another day in which I can get out of bed and work for him.  And, I need to revel in God’s faithfulness, praising God for providing for me each and every day, for knowing the plans he has for my life.  I need to live expectantly.

So, my question for you is this:  Where has God exceeded your expectations?

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Okay, I have a confession to make.  I don’t like Twitter.  I just don’t get it.  On a cultural level, I feel like it’s an incredibly narcissistic tool that serves to further the self-centered nature of our society.  On a social level, I feel like it diminishes the concept of meaningful relationships.  A meaningful relationship is one in which you know the very heart of the person you are in relationship with, not what time they eat breakfast each morning.  And on a personal level, I just don’t think there’s that much in my life that is instant-news worthy.

However, for the benefit of the faithful Tweeters out there, I thought I’d give it a go for a day.  Let me know the final outcome.  Are they notes from a twit, or sincere tweets?

4:45 A.M.-Boys up and demanding juice–Stephen wants bacon.
5:00 A.M.-Dog ate Stephen’s bacon.
5:15 A.M.- Garrett wants yogurt.
5:20 A.M.-Stephen wants yogurt.
5:30 A.M.-Curl up in recliner with blanket over my head and threaten life and limb of anyone who disturbs me.
6:00 A.M.-Give up and work on Bible study–focus on abundance of God which does not include sleep.
6:40 A.M.- Compose what I hope to be an Encouraging Word to Bible study participants–can’t be sure because am sleep deprived.
7:00 A.M.- Cat eats Stephen’s bacon–refuse to make anymore.
7:15 A.M.- Contemplate exercise while eating peanuts.
7:30 A.M.- Blog instead
8:15 A.M.- Drag out exercise bike to exercise–tell Stephen he has to wait his turn.
9:00 A.M.- Make egg whites with cheese and toast a piece of home made bread–top with butter.
9:05 A.M.- Pour coffee, add CoffeeMate and Splenda–pour Stephen a splash of coffee with milk.
9:07 A.M.- Get Garrett some yogurt.
9:08 A.M.- Get Stephen some yogurt.
9:30 A.M.- Clean up kitchen while cartoons are still on
10:00 A.M.- Get self and Stephen dressed–Garrett piddling.
10:05 A.M.- Tell Garrett to hurry up.
10:10 A.M.- Tell Garrett to hurry up.
10:30 A.M.- Off to the classroom for school.
10:40 A.M.- Threaten to send both boys to the office for behavior issues.
10:50 A.M.- Craft activity.
11:10 A.M. Clean up remains of craft activity and run bath to remove paint from boys–hope it is indeed “non-toxic”
11:30 A.M.- Clean up bathroom after deluge of water covers floor from boys splashing in bath.
11:45 A.M.- Make lunch for boys.
12:00 P.M.- Make lunch for Chris and I while yelling “Take a bite!” periodically into the dining room.
12:25 P.M.- Sit down for lunch–Stephen wants Kool-Aid.
12:30 P.M.- Sit down for lunch–Garrett wants water.
1:00 P.M.- Clean up lunch dishes and prepare to make bread.
1:10 P.M.- Boys want to help and arm themselves with measuring cups– move flour out of reach.
1:30 P.M.- Bread rising–clean kitchen–again.
1:45 P.M.- Decide to go to library–find shoes for boys.
2:00 P.M.- Shoes on–must find library books to return.
2:10 P.M.- Books found–heading for wagon in garage–realize library card is still in purse–back inside.
2:15 P.M.- Off to library!!
3:15 P.M.- Home with bag of books–Mickey Mouse, Clifford, Thomas, Seuss, Froggy and Olivia have all come home to entertain.
3:35 P.M.- Cuddle up in recliner with boys to read new books.
4:10 P.M.- Go outside for nature walk.
4:11 P.M.- Stop to pick up leaves.
4:13 P.M.- Stop to pick up nuts.
4:15 P.M.- Stop to chase cat.
4:23 P.M.- Cross the street after boys run cat up into a tree and head for home.
4:25 P.M.- Stop to pick up leaves.
4:27 P.M.- Stop to pick up nuts.
4:29 P.M.- Stop to watch squirrels play.
4:35 P.M.- Daddy passes us on his way home from work–consider bumming a ride for the last block.
4:36 P.M.- Stop to pick up rocks.
4:38 P.M.- Stop to pick up leaves.
4:40 P.M.- Stop to watch another cat–see home straight ahead–just out of reach!!
5:50 P.M.- Sit down to dinner.
5:55 P.M.- Stephen wants milk.
6:00 P.M.- Sit down to dinner.
6:05 P.M.- Garrett needs Kleenex.
6:10 P.M.- Sit down to dinner–attempt to talk to Chris over din of boys.
6:30 P.M.- Let boys run wild–encourage the chasing of cats.
7:00 P.M.- Jammy time–ecstatic!!  Garrett piddling.
7:05 P.M.- Stephen dressed–Garrett still piddling.
7:20 P.M.- Garrett finally dressed–both boys out in living room ready to read.
7:45 P.M.- Lights out!
8:00 P.M.- Stephen out!!
8:45 P.M.- Garrett out!!
9:00 P.M.- Mommy out!!

This is an article I wrote for our church’s weekly newsletter on the importance of worship.  I thought it might be good before Sunday! 🙂

We are in the midst of the abundance portion of the study Faithful, Abundant and True by Kay Arthur, Priscilla Shirer and Beth Moore.  Priscilla Shirer (who may be my new favorite go-to Bible study gal!) made the point that not only is God able, but he also surprises us.  One of the conclusions I’ve come to over the years is that our cynical, post-modern notions of the world have pushed us to push God into a box.  We put limits to what God can do, as evidenced in our need to discover exactly how the world was made.  We put our hope in human beings to solve our problems and then get disappointed when they ultimately fail…ie, medical malpractice suits, snarly politicians and national gripe fests.  We forget, as Ephesians 1:19-20 tells us, that there is an “incomparably great power for us who believe.  That power is the same as the mighty strength God exerted when he raised Christ from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms.”

 We serve a God who CAN and DOES in wonderfully miraculous and absolutely surprising ways!!  When I graduated from college 12 years ago I had my life planned out.  Yet, four years later I was moving away from everything I knew and loved to go to seminary (What!?) to chase this new calling God had put upon my life.  Little did I know that God had a magnificent plan far greater than what I could ever imagine.  The course of my life changed with that move in a way I could never have planned.  God not only surprised me, but he also showed me the richness of his abundance and blessing in following the road he laid out for me.  I’m not saying it’s been all sunny days with the smell of roses, but it has been blessed.  And to think, I would have missed it all had I not let God out of the box!!

So, my question for you today is: Where has God surprised you?  When in your life have you been able to shout “God is ABLE!”?  I want to hear your stories.  I want to celebrate together our God who empowers us to do all things through Christ from whom we get our strength. 

Blessings and Peace,
Sara