Today is tax day, a black letter day in our household. As a pastor, my husband gets taxed in all sorts of crazy manners that I can’t even begin to understand. It makes no sense to me how the combined annual income of a high school teacher and United Methodist pastor can result in us owing the state over $1ooo, but there you have it. I suppose there’s a reason I teach English and not math!

Anyway, I was reading on CNN.com today that there is a controversy brewing between liberals and conservatives over the nature of government spending (shocking!). Apparently, Republicans are staging “tea party” protests to President Obama’s stimulus package throughout the nation today, calling on Americans to vocally oppose the government’s bailout of banks, auto companies, and mortgage companies. This, apparently, has prompted one Democratic CNN analyst to declare today instead “Patriot’s Day”, as this is the “one day a year the government asks us to sacrifice for the greater good.” (Give me a break!) This has all fueled a small debate within my inner being because, unbelievably, I find myself leaning more toward the affinity of “Tea Party” day. Don’t get me wrong, I am a big supporter (as in I bought a campaign button, not supporter as in I donated half a year’s pay to the campaign) of President Obama. I think he has a very strong and noble agenda and think there is a lot of potential to move this country forward. However, I have never been a proponent of the “bailout package”. I think the bailout, or stimulus plan is fiscally irresponsible and only reinforces the negative behavior we as Americans, both corporations and individuals, have been engaged in over the past fifteen plus years. Irresponsible spending has led to this recession, and irresponsible spending is not the way out of it. Why should the government spend money it doesn’t have to bail out companies that have overspent or made bad investments? There is no other area in life where this economic philosophy makes sense. I mean, as much as I would love to pay off my sister’s credit card debt for her, I am not going to cash out my retirement plan to do so. Nor am I going to borrow the money and create more debt for myself to bail her out. (Personal note: My sister would never ask me to pay off her debt for her, it’s just a hypothetical example.) There’s a simple principle to getting out of and avoiding debt: if you don’t have the money for something, don’t spend it!

One of our biggest problems as Americans is that we’ve created a culture of entitlement. If we want something, we think we should be able to get it, regardless of expense. We feel like we’ve earned the right to luxury vehicles and $300,000 “starter” homes after working for five years, not the twenty years our parents put in before saving up for those things. Economically speaking, we’ve made our own bed, and now we have to strip off the sheets and start over.

As for the notion of “Patriots Day” being an opportunity for Americans to sacrifice for the greater good of the country, while a noble sentiment in theory, my personal response would have to be… PUH-LEESE! Again, don’t get me wrong, I understand the importance of paying taxes, but what are they really going to? Corporate execs who have proven numerous times they are completely irresponsible spenders? Auto makers who have refused to be forward thinking in their development of vehicles? Mortgage companies that have manipulated individuals into making poor investments? Paying salaries of congressional members who are more concerned with their stature and wheeling and dealing with lobbyists than listening to their constituents? I realize that theoretically my taxes help pay my salary, but in reality the most I’ve gotten for my tax dollars that I have seen is a year’s worth of Parents as Teachers visits.

I know I am speaking through an overabundance of cynicism, and I do not want to be a cynical person. I think paying taxes is a civic responsibility, but I work hard for that money, and I would like to see it go to worthwhile projects. I want my taxes to go toward establishing health-care for all uninsured children. I want my taxes to go toward enriching technology in public schools. I want my tax dollars to go toward families of fire fighters, police officers, and soldiers lost in the line of duty. I want my tax dollars to go toward bringing art and culture to children who will otherwise have little experience with either. I want my tax dollars to fund research for a cure to cancer. I want my tax dollars to go toward programs that help end poverty and hunger. I want my tax dollars to be better represented. I don’t think that’s too much to ask from a government that was born on the principles of freedom and democracy.

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

My students are working on a multi-genre research project at the moment in which they have to research the life of a prominent American, create several pieces in different genres which reflect the values and beliefs of that individual, and then create several other pieces which reflect their own ideas around the concept of the American Dream. I’ve put together a sample project for them, and one of the genres I chose to express myself in was a blog entry. So, I thought I’d go ahead and post it.

Here it is:

I am not a patriot. Don’t get me wrong, I love the United States and am grateful for the life I live within its confines. I appreciate the freedom I have and am thankful every day for the men and women who have worked to secure that freedom. However, it is precisely because I value the freedom and ideals this country was built upon that I cannot call myself a patriot. In recent years, I have seen the term patriot become synonymous with zealot and patriotism synonymous with nationalism. One of the biggest issues I have is that the state of Missouri requires all public schools to engage in reciting the Pledge of Allegiance on a weekly basis. I never do this in my classroom, and although that could be considered a form of insubordination, I believe that in refusing to say the Pledge I am upholding the rights of American citizens. How can a government supposedly founded on liberty make a law requiring its citizens to verbally pay homage to it? This, I believe, is oxymoronic.

There are two other reasons I refuse to say the Pledge. First, I believe that God comes before country. As a Christian, my allegiance is to God and my purpose is to further the kingdom on earth, not to further the doctrines of the United States. Second, I cannot in good conscious pledge myself to something which our government does not uphold. Take a moment to look consider the Pledge:

I just finished reading a really fabulous book by Geraldine Brooks called Year of Wonders. It’s a novel of the plague in England in 1665-1666. The book takes place in a village and is narrated by a young widow named Anna. When plague is discovered in this village the villagers, under direction of their charismatic young pastor, covenant to seal themselves within the village so as to avoid the spread of the disease to others. Needless to say, death runs rampant. Toward the end of the book, Anna is allowed some fleeting moments of beauty, only to have them smashed by a revelation that changes all she believes to be true. In the course of this revelation, some thoughts emerge about atonement, which is a theme that runs underneath throughout the course of the book.

That said, the next book I checked out from the library was Atonement by Ian McEwen. I haven’t started it yet, but I’ve heard great things about it. And, of course, the main premise is on the nature of atonement and whether or not we can truly atone for our sins.

I was thinking last night that the theme of atonement has been with me through the past few novels I’ve read. It began with the novel Tamar by Mal Peet, a wonderful story of the Dutch Resistance in WWII. A mystery unfolds throughout the book in which another shocking revelation is revealed and a character seeks atonement. I’ve also read Jodi Piccoult’s Change of Heart, in which a killer wants to donate his heart to save the child of the woman whose husband and older child he was convicted of killing. There is some question as to the legality of him donating his heart when he is sentenced to be executed by lethal injection, and a discussion of atonement ensues.

In the Christian faith, we don’t talk a great deal about atonement. We have no Yom Kippur in which we corporately make restitution for our sins. We confess, yes, but rarely do we go from confession to penance. And I wonder, should atonement be part of our practice? Should we seek, in some way, to make amends for the sins we’ve committed? In truth, I don’t think we can, and that would be for me the major flaw in atonement theory. We are human beings. It is in our nature to sin–“For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God”. We are incapable on our own of moving beyond our sin. We have tried. The Old Testament is full of individuals and nations seeking to atone for the sins they’ve committed. And they failed, every time. How many times did God have to redeem Israel? How many times did Israel fall away from God? God could not reconcile humanity to him through people’s actions because people are sinful by nature. Therefore, God had to find another way.

Enter Jesus. God knew the only way to redeem humanity and to reconcile himself with his creation was to make the atonement for sin himself. Therefore, he sent Jesus, his son and a part of himself, to be the atonement for all of humanity’s sins–“For God so loved the world that he gave his only son…” We cannot atone for our sins. There is no penance we can do that will make things better, but God can make us right again. God can provide reconciliation and closure. God had made our atonement for us. However, I don’t think we just get a free pass when we sin. There are consequences to all actions, both positive and negative. I think, in a way, these consequences are our penance. We are forced to live with the consequences of our actions, yet, I believe that God can make good out of even the worst of these.

I also think it’s important to make a difference between atonement and restitution. While God offers us ultimate forgiveness of our sins, I believe that we must seek out ways to make restitution to those we have sinned against. If we’ve knowingly hurt someone, we should make amends for that. I believe God wants us to be reconciled not only to him, but to each other as well. So while we can’t atone for our sins, we can try to mend the hurts they have caused.

Ultimately, God is a God of forgiveness. He wants to be in relationship with us, and forgiveness is a huge part of that relationship. If we are unconditionally forgiven from our sins, then we must unconditionally forgive. As Shakespeare would say, “Aye, there’s the rub.” There’s a big WORK IN PROGRESS sign plastered across my heart on this one. It’s not that I’m incapable of forgiving, it’s just that I find it a difficult thing to do when people are still hurting me or those I care about and love.

I know I have my own sins to be forgiven for (just for kicks sometime you should ask God to reveal your sins to you during prayer–it’s very enlightening) and I am grateful that I don’t have to atone for them. I would never get there! But God is so good, he loves me anyway. Now I need to pass that love on to others.

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

I attended a funeral yesterday for a little boy who was one month older than Garrett. He would have been three the beginning of May. Needless to say, it was a difficult day. Although I have known parents who have lost young children, I have never been witness to the loss itself. Throughout the service I kept looking over at the casket and thinking, they just shouldn’t make them this size.

The service itself was beautiful. The family had put together a slide show of pictures to different songs. Although there were tears throughout the viewing, there were many smiles as well, for who can’t help but smile at a child’s big open-mouthed grin while covered in food, or that mischievous smile while wrestling with a sibling. The mother’s best friend gave a beautiful sermon (although she would probably call it a speech) that was so perfect I thought the service could end right there. She spoke of the beauty of children, the beauty of this child, the miracle of his life and the great impact he had on others in his short time on Earth. She asked everyone in the congregation to consider how their lives had been altered by this child, and then declared that was the purpose of his life.

This little boy touched so many lives, so much so that his surgeon even sent the family an e-mail telling them of his grief in their loss. The hardest part of the day was watching his mother sob throughout the service. Her grief came in waves, and every picture and every story seemed like a punch in her middle causing her to fold her body around the stomach that once held and nurtured this small child. No parent should have to endure such grief.

Experiencing the loss of a child, even one that is not your own, causes a crack in the foundation of the world as you have known it. To bear witness to such pain is a reminder of the broken nature of the world in which we live. It is a reminder that life is fragile and that the world is indeed unjust. I do not believe it is ever God’s plan that a child should suffer and die. I do not believe that a loving and compassionate God, a God who is Creator and Parent of all life would purposefully cause anyone such grief. Yet, I believe that God is present in the suffering. I believe that God has redeemed this child, and that this child is at peace, resting in his Creator’s arms. I also believe that God is grieving with these parents, that God will take their grief as his own. And I believe that God will place his comforting touch upon their lives so that they may move beyond this present agony to a place of peace where they can continue to live until that day when they are able to hold their child once more.

One of the speakers at the service yesterday said that it was not our place to question “why” in such circumstances. But I don’t agree with that. God and I have always had open dialogue, and I believe you can ask him anything. However, asking why might not get you very far. This past week I heard a new song by Steven Curtis Chapman who last year lost his own young daughter in a tragic accident. In this song, he writes about that experience and how it caused him to question everything he believed. In the end, he realized that everything we are and everything we have ultimately belongs to God, and what comes from God will one day return back to God. “It is yours, God, yours…”

In the end, I find I must still believe in the goodness of God. God is faithful, and he will continue to be so. He will provide strength and comfort for this family, and he will take good care of their son. And, if we let him, God can work wonders through this journey. You see, God’s goodness is so great, that he can work good out of any situation. I have seen countless people who have gone through hellacious experiences give themselves over to God and be transformed, working through their grief and pain to be a light for others in need. It is my prayer that God will do the same in the lives of this family, and in the lives of all of us who know them, love them, and grieve with them. Although there is sorrow in the evening, there will be joy and dancing in the morn.

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Recently, a friend of mine mentioned a product on her blog and was contacted by the inventor of the product and given a free product as a thank-you for the mention. The product was a “Miracle Blanket”, a special swaddling blanket designed to keep snug even the most elusive of infant escape artists so that they (and their parents) can get a decent night’s rest. We used a “Miracle Blanket” with both of our boys, having heard of it from another mother I struck up a conversation with at The Cheesecake Factory one night. It was truly a miracle for us, especially with Garrett. It was the only way we could get him to sleep. I’m wishing they made a similar product for toddlers, but I believe that might be a straight jacket. Anyway, my husband and I are so impressed with the “Miracle Blanket” we’ve decided it will from now on be our baby gift for first time parents. (I’m absolutely serious about this.)

Therefore, I’ve since decided in this time of recession that I’m not above lending my blog space in a shameless ploy to obtain free products. That said, here are a list of several of my faves.

1. “Ghirardelli” chocolate chips. Everyone knows that Ghirardelli chocolate is some of the best in the world, yet their chocolate chips are out of this world!! They are made with 60% cacao, delectably bittersweet, and twice the size of the average chocolate chip. They are flatter than the average chocolate chip as well. That, combined with the size, means a smooth chocolate infusion is in order when baked. I use them all the time. In fact, when I made chocolate chip cookies with them, it was like there was a layer of chocolate sandwiched between the dough. Yum!

2. “Mudd” shoes. Cute and comfortable and reasonably priced. Need I say more? One of the signatures of a “Mudd” shoe is its rounded toe, which means more room for your feet to spread out. They are the only heels I will wear. I’m on my feet a lot throughout the day and I will wear my “Mudd” heels several days in a row. That’s saying something! They are cushioned inside and hold up remarkably well. And, they are cute and flirtsy, yet classy at the same time. They’re truly great shoes. I know, I have four pair.

3. “Burt’s Bees” lip balm. My lips get chapped all the time. It doesn’t help that I pick at them and pull off all the dead skin. I’ve used Chapstick ever since I can remember, but was given a Burt’s Bees lip balm stick as a gift several years ago and have never gone back. This stuff is amazing! I put it on chapped lips at night and wake up to give my husband a soft smooth kiss on the cheek. The peppermint is my favorite, although the new pomengranate has a very nice scent. But, I miss the tingly sensation of the peppermint. The plus with “Burt’s Bees” is that it is an all-natural product and doesn’t feel greasy at all. It also lasts forever, so even though you’re paying a bit more than you would for a tube of Chapstick, it lasts twice as long.

4. “Sharpie Ultra Fine Point Permanent Markers”. I literally never leave home without one of these. They’re in my purse, in our kitchen, in our living room, and in my desk at school. In general, I love office supplies, but these are at the top for me. They come in a wide variety of colors, both bold and pastel, don’t smear, smudge or (generally) bleed through papers. As a high school English teacher, I go through a ton of these throughout the course of the school year. They’re perfect for grading papers and, I hope, add a little spunk to my comments. I also use them to make grocery lists, write checks, sign receipts, and send notes. “Sharpie Ultra Fine Point Permanent Markers” are definitely worth the investment.

5. “Everyday With Rachel Ray” This magazine, for lack of a better expression, is the bomb-diggoty!! I read this baby from cover to cover every month. It is chock-full of original, low-maintenance recipes designed specifically for people who want good food and quality time. Most of the recipes stem from ingredients common to many kitchen pantries, and the editors are great at taking a few ingredients and using them throughout several different recipes. Everyday With Rachel Ray has helped me become less afraid in the kitchen. I used to hate cooking and typically stuck with the same four or five meals. Not so anymore! My hubby still does a lot of the cooking (and, he reads the magazine too!) but I’m pitching in much more than I used too, and loving every minute of it. Everyday With Rachel Ray also has some fun style and travel sections, as well as great kitchen tips. Plus, the editors are very in-tune with their customer base and reader feedback is put to use in every issue. This magazine is truly for any cook, or non-cook as the case might be. At $20.00 a year, you can’t beat it for the amount of use it will get.

6. “Nick and Jake’s” famous Sunday brunch. If you are ever in the Kansas City, Missouri area on a Sunday afternoon you must, must stop by “Nick and Jake’s” and try their Sunday brunch. It is the best breakfast I have ever eaten!! My husband and I stopped back in last weekend for the first time since we’d moved almost two years ago. It was just as wonderful as I’d remembered! First, they have French toast sticks. Where else are you going to find homemade French toast sticks?! They melt in your mouth they’re so good. I should know, I ate about six of them!! They also have these rich and creamy cheesy-jalapeno grits. I do not like grits, generally speaking, but I could eat a plate full of these. They also have a fabulous Greek salad with feta cheese and kalamati olives. I typically start with a plateful of that and the cheesy grits then head for the French toast sticks and homemade mac and cheese. If, at the end of all that, you’re still hungry, they have two tables of homemade dessert, including fresh cinnamon rolls and bread pudding. You might fall into a carb induced coma at the end of the meal, but it’s so worth it!! “Nick and Jake’s”–give it a go. You won’t regret the trip!

Okay, that’s enough pandering for one day. I need to get back to teaching, which is what I’m actually paid to do. Give these products a try and let me know what you think.

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Daddy’s campooter has always fascinated me. Daddy always gets mad when I touch it though, like I’m gonna break it or something. I like breakables. Lighten up Daddy. Anyway, I’ve got my hands on it now. T-Bone is creating a diversion for me so I can play. I promised him I’d try to slip him a cookie.

So, in case you haven’t seen it, Cars is the best movie ever! Lightning McQueen says “Cachow.” Lightning McQueen has wheels. I like my Cars shirt and jammies. I wear my Lightning McQueen crocs all the time, the girls like them. What, Mr. Bun Man Show? Hang on a second, Edgar, Edgar, Edgar, you want me to spank your bottom Edgar. Edgar, Edgar, Edgar! Okay, I’m back now, just had to take care of something. Anyway, Mater is my favorite. Does Mater drive backwards? I think so. Mater does drive backwards. Crazy Grandpa car. What? He has a Piston Cup! Come on baby, bring out the Piston Cup! Does Sally say, “Hi folks?” Yeah, Sally does say, “Hi folks!” I want to watch Cars! I want to watch Cars! Can I watch Cars?

Mommy made me eat dinner tonight. I don’t like eating dinner. I had a cheese kay sa dee ya and some salad, but I really just wanted one of Grandpa Stu’s cookies. They are mine. Not for Mommy! Anyway, my ka sa dee ya was ok, it was warm, not hot. Warm is good. So I ate it and then had some of Daddy’s apple juice. I like Daddy’s apple juice.

I got to go outside and swing on my swingset today. It is my swing. I love my lellow swing. Daddy made it for me. It’s mine, it’s not Stephen’s! I wish I could swing in my lellow swing all day. Swinging is fun. Mommy told me she liked to swing when she was a little girl. I like to swing. Does that mean I am a little girl? I’m not sure. I have a pee pee, like Daddy and Stephen, but I like to swing like Mommy when she was a little girl. Maybe I am a little girl? Mommy says I am a little boy. Crazy Grandpa car! Anyway, I like my lellow swing.

Well, Mommy Sara and Daddy Chris are almost done with changing Stephen’s diaper, I guess I should go before I am caught on Daddy’s campooter. I better go get that cookie for T-Bone, he kept them away for a while. If Daddy cathes me on his campooter, I might have to go to time out, or Daddy might paddle my bottom. No Daddy paddle my bottom! They are probably going to try and get me to go to sleep soon. But, I don’t have to. I didn’t last night, and my reward was getting to sleep in Daddy’s bed with him and Mommy. I liked that. Oooo, there’s Aggie. What you doing Aggie? Gotta run. Aggie, Aggie, Aggie Aggie!! Edgar, Edgar Edgar!

Night night!
Garrett

I’ve realized, recently, that I have become embroiled in pettiness, become a fairly petty person myself. Looking over my past few entries, I see that my focus has been skewed. I have not set my sights on “higher things”. I’ve lost perspective, but I see now that I am wrong.

Sadly, this past week, a family at church discovered that their almost three year old son has had a relapse in his cancer and that there is nothing more the doctors can do for him. This news has broken my heart. Cancer is an unjust and senseless disease, a mercenary sniper adhering to no code of war. It’s a stupid disease, and one I fervently pray will be completely wiped off the face of the earth.

This little boy, baby really, is beautiful, as are his parents and siblings. They are a wonderful family, and I grieve for them as they go through this process. No parent should have to bury a child.

In the process of all of this, I’ve realized that life is just too short to hold onto petty grudges, to be focused on the childish antics of people who are so lost themselves that they can only inflict pain and discontentment on those around them. I want, I need, to let go of my anger. I want, I need to move on from this. I want, I need, to focus on the important things in life. I need to love and care for my family. I need to show love to my students and to give them the best of what I have to offer. I need to focus on building up relationships with people who are truly seeking God’s will for their lives.

I heard a sermon this weekend that hit home for me. It was on “Intentional Faith Development”, one of the five practices of fruitful congregations that Bishop Robert Schnase writes of in his book of the same name. The pastor made the comment that in American churches, we really only skim the surface of spirituality and discipleship, like water bugs. He stated that intentional faith development involves coming back to life, and that it is a painful process to allow God to bring you back to life, but that when you undergo that process, you become infused with God. I started thinking of the Evanesence song, “Bring Me to Life”….
Wake me up inside
Wake me up inside
Call my name and
Save me from the dark
I’ve been asleep spiritually for too long, and I want to move beyond the surface. I want God to wake me up inside. More than that, I want to be infused with God’s spirit, and I want God’s spirit to diffuse itself through me to others who need to feel and know God’s love and presence.

I pray continually for this family at church. I pray that they may feel God’s presence as they walk down this path of darkness.

I pray God can work in all our lives to infuse us with his Spirit and lead us closer to him.

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

I was listening to the latest Sara Groves CD on my way into work. I absolutely love this album. Well, I love most of Sara Groves’ albums, but this one is truly beautiful and has been speaking to me a lot lately. I was particularly focused on the song “A Way I Cannot See” this morning. In this song, she speaks of feeling defeated and burdened, and praying for inspiration and a “way I cannot see” in moving forward. I feel like I’m in this place.

My husband received another angry e-mail from a church member yesterday that has hurt both our spirits. This e-mail was from a member I’ve become close to and truly care about, and her anger at my husband made me very sad. I’m sad that she feels hurt and that it is affecting her ability to worship. I’m sad that her anger and hurt come from something she perceives my husband of doing. Throughout our struggles at our church this past year, it’s been very hard for me to see all of the misconceptions people have about my husband surface. We’ve been in this community almost two years now, and people still think the worst of his intentions. I know he’s not perfect, none of us are, but he has always worked with the church’s best interest at heart. He prays continually for this congregation and is trying to move forward in the direction he feels God calling him to lead. If he has hurt people, it has been unintentionally, and when he knows of a personal hurt he has caused, he has done his best to apologize and reconcile himself to that person. Are there things he would do differently in hindsight? Of course, but that’s true for all of us.

I feel sometimes that people forget he is a human being as well. And, he’s been hurt, too. People have a tendency to say hurtful things to and about him and not think that it’s going to hurt him. But, how could it not? He’s been treated repeatedly like a dumping ground and is expected to just sit and take it. How long can a person, should a person, do that?

I want the divisiveness in this church to end. I want reconciliation. I want this church to grow in this community and to be a vital ministry within our community. Yet every time I see us taking even a step in that direction, something pulls us back. There is little trust, and I’m not sure after two years how to build it. I have to believe that we were put in this place for a reason, but it’s such a struggle. So now I’m looking and praying for “a way I cannot see”. I want God to move in this congregation, to push through the muck and our own human faults and frailties to achieve his work through the people of this church. I want to see God’s work and know the struggle will give way to goodness.

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

As Christians, we like to talk a lot about the power of forgiveness, especially when it comes to the forgiveness of our own sins. We paint a picture of forgiveness that looks a lot like Julie Andrews spinning around a flowering Alpine meadow in The Sound of Music–light, airy, carefree, fulfilled. I’ve found, however, that forgiveness, true forgiveness, is much more like wading through a swamp. It’s muddy, mucky, and there are alligators hiding under the stagnant water. While I believe that in order to ask for forgiveness we must be willing to forgive others (“forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us”), sometimes it feels like an impossible task. And, humanly, it probably is. It’s not really in our nature to forgive, or in our culture for that matter. You get stuck in the muck of your own sense of righteousness and indignation. Our anger and pride (the biggest alligators of all) strike out at us, opening afresh wounds we’ve tried to slap a band-aide on.

I guess I’m thinking about this now because there are a few people in my life I’m having trouble forgiving. These people were people I trusted, people my husband and I invited into our home, people who turned around and stabbed us in the back, causing pain to both my husband and I and to the ministry of the church we serve. I’ve prayed about this over and over. I’ve prayed specifically for these people, that God would enrich their lives, fulfill their lives, heal their hurts. I’ve prayed that I might be able to forgive them and asked for help in moving forward. My difficulty is that I can’t seem to move beyond my own feelings of anger and injustice. These feelings have been heightened by the fact that these people insist on continuing their campaign of manipulation and hurt. As my husband so aptly said, “How are you supposed to turn the other cheek when you know someone’s just going to slap it?” I don’t know what else to do. I’ve thought about calling and meeting with them to discuss things, but conversations have been so manipulated in the past that I don’t trust it. I keep praying, but it’s so hard to let go. Maybe I don’t really want to. Anger can be a comforting blanket at times.

I recently read the novel, The Shack, which was wonderful and offered some truly brilliant insight into the importance and nature of Christian forgiveness. The novel pointed to the reconciliation that forgiveness can bring, which I believe, but I don’t know how to start. And, if I’m being truthful, I don’t know if I want to be reconciled to these people. I know there are two sides to every story, but I also know that there are people out there who are hell-bent on causing drama and divisiveness everywhere they go. So, again, what do I do? As a pastor’s wife, I feel like I have to set an example because there are several in the church watching. I also want to support my husband, who I believe is doing God’s will in this congregation, and help him to build strong relationships where I can.

I don’t know. I know I need to forgive, but I’m just stuck in the muck.

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

I am not a big believer in the Lenten season. It’s not that I don’t believe it’s important to be in an attitude of confession and penitence, to seek God’s will and set your sights on higher things, it’s just that as a Christian I think you should be doing these things all the time. They should be a natural part of your faith walk, not just a once-a-year forty day practice. This mostly stems from the fact that I grew up in the Southern Baptist church and we never acknowledged Lent. Until I became a Methodist I thought it was something only Catholics practiced. However, as I grow in my understanding of the Church, I see more merit in the customs and actions surrounding Lent. That said, I’ve decided this year to actually give up something for Lent. I’m going to give up complaining.

It seems throughout this past decade or so we have become a nation of negativity. Complaining is commonplace. In fact, it is very much encouraged. Look at all of our reality T.V. shows. People do nothing but complain, and then the audience is encouraged to criticize and complain about the contestants on the show. Remember the presidential election campaign? What did the candidates do? Complain. Pick up a newspaper and read a Letter to the Editor–complaints. Think back to the last conversation you had. Did you complain about something? I was in the teacher’s lounge, so I know I did! It’s ridiculous, and I’ve gotten just as caught up in it as anyone else. So, I’ve decided that Lent is as good a time as any to take a stand.

But, before I begin, I have a few fundamental questions. First, what’s the difference between a complaint and a statement of fact? For instance, if I say, “I’m tired of the cold”, am I complaining or stating an opinion? If I get stuck in a parade of traffic on my way to work and tell someone that, am I complaining? What if I need to vent about classes or church? Can I do that and not be complaining? Or, if someone’s a big fat jerk and I point that out to someone else, does that constitute a complaint? I mean, if the shoe fits…. And what about sarcasm? Done well, it can truly become art.

I went onto the website of “A Complaint Free World” to get some answers. It’s a non-profit organization dedicated to helping people live more positive lives. It was started by a minister in the Kansas City area, Will Bowen I think his name is, and they’ve done a lot of good work. But all I could find on their website was the opportunity to buy a book. That doesn’t really help me at the moment (Was that a complaint?). So, I’m left to figure it out on my own. I’m just going to do the best I can and look for the best in others. And maybe avoid the teacher’s lounge, at least for 40 days.

Blessings and Peace,
Sara