Lately, I have been in the midst of a semi-midlife crisis.  I turned 37 in September and for some reason, the knowledge that I am about halfway (the Good Lord willing and the creek don’t rise) through my time on this earth has really pushed me into a mental and emotional tailspin.  I find myself asking questions like:

What am I doing with my life?

Why am I not farther along a career path?

How did I go from being the head of a department to a teacher’s associate?

What happened to my potential?

Should I just give up on my dreams?

Am I a failure?  This, actually, becomes more of a statement in my mind rather than a question.

Professionally, I feel like a failure.  And the subsequent feelings of frustration and disappointment and anxiety that come with that often leave me wanting to do nothing more than curl up on the couch with a fuzzy blanket and watch cheesy Hallmark Channel holiday movies all day.  I want to go into a cocoon and sleep through this phase of my life, emerging some Spring day beautifully successful and at peace doing exactly what I love and actually making a living with it without all of the frustration and angst and uncertainty of getting there.

Feelings of failure, of disappointment, of unworthiness often lead us into emotional paralysis.  We get stuck.  The Enemy worms his way into our heads and pretty soon, the voice of discouragement is all we hear.  But there’s a greater voice calling out to us.  And if we (if I) can push through all the muck in my head that keeps me feeling depressed and anxious then I can hear it.  And God my Creator– the one who said I am wonderfully made–who tells me He has counted each hair on my head–who has called me His  own while still in my mother’s womb–who will walk with me into the darkest places this life can hold–who loves me enough to give a part of Himself to me–He pulls me close and whispers to my soul,…

“You are my dearly loved child.  Listen to MY voice.  I created you with a purpose, and no purpose of MINE is a failure.  The only job you have is to be the person I created you to be–to follow ME wherever the MY path may lead.”

This song, from singer/songwriter Laura Story, speaks to the heart of what I believe.  When I get out of my own head, when I push away those voices which proclaim failure, unworthiness, not enough and focus instead on the voice of the One who has lavished His great love on me, then I am able to “Be Me”.  When I look at myself through the One who created me, I am better able to move past my feelings of disappointment and to pour myself into those tasks God has given me to do.  I find new purpose, new meaning, new hope and new thanksgiving.  In those moments when I allow God to be at the center of my being, I am able to say: “Surely, I DO SEE the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.”

I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.  Jeremiah 31:2

Praying that you will see the God’s love and goodness in your life today.

Blessings and Peace,

Sara

Lately, my two boys have been talking a lot about their great-grandpa C.  He’s become a mythic figure to them–someone awe inspiring and legendary.  They love sharing stories about him, especially the ones that involve great-grandpa C. doing ornery things like throwing firecrackers under a bed on which his brother-in-law was napping.

The interesting part of this is that they have never met their great-grandpa C.  He passed away well before they were born. But in our family of story-tellers, Great-Grandpa C. is as real to them as you or I would be.  He was the nucleus which held our small family together.  And although he is gone, his legacy lives on into a new generation, teaching them as he taught us about the importance of love, faith, generosity and courage.

I read a recent article in Good Housekeeping magazine which talked about the importance of sharing stories with our children. New research shows us that family stories passed down through the generations do more than entertain.  Our shared stories, both good and bad, have the power to connect, unite, shape and mold us.  Our family stories instruct us and ground us and remind us of who we are.  We have the ability to learn and grow through the lives of others who may have passed on long before our time.

My dad is a natural born storyteller.  I remember, even as a little girl, being swept away by the tales of his childhood.  Family “characters” came to life in my imagination through his words.  Although I never actually met all of those mythic figures who helped shape my father into the man he is, I carry them each inside me in the form of the stories my father told.

Because of my father’s stories, I know of the strength and spirit of my great-grandmother who left an abusive marriage in a time when divorce was unheard of and remarried a man 10 years her junior who shared her same indomitable spirit.   And the knowledge that such spirit flows through my blood strengthens me in times of weakness.

Because of my father’s stories and my own experiences, I know of the unshakable faith and courage of my grandfather who always trusted in God’s provision, whose last words to me were, “I’ll see you when I wake up, or I’ll see you in heaven.”  I know that the faith he held from which his courage came is also a part of me.  And so, in my moments of fear, I think of my grandfather and he still gives me hope.

Because of my mother’s stories, I know of the extraordinary women I come from–women who cast off traditional roles and forged independent lives of their own.  I know of these women who looked at a world in which women had few choices and yet, who decided to blaze new paths for themselves and their daughters and granddaughters to follow.  And even though I didn’t know them, their independence inspires me to dream big dreams for my own life and the lives of my children.

When I think back to our family stories, I am filled with so many things.  There is joy, as well as sorrow.  There is love, as well as loss.  There is strength in the midst of fear and courage in the midst of great obstacles.  But above all, there is faith and hope and love.

And this, I think, is the true power of the stories we share as Christians.  Those timeless stories found in the pages of Scripture which have been passed down from generation to generation.  Those stories of God’s people, of our greater family, which remind us of where we come from–of WHO we come from–and all the promises that are ours to keep and hold and see made manifest in our lives.

They are stories to instruct, to enrich, to strengthen, to ground, to unite and to hold together.  And although our stories, both from our earthly families and our faith families, are a gift, some of them might not be good.  They might be ugly.  They might hurt.  They might make us uncomfortable.  But those stories of human failing and frailty are the stories that have the most power to redeem.  For in looking at our mistakes, at the mistakes of those who have gone before, we learn to forgive.  We learn redemption.

As we approach this holiday of Thanksgiving, I hope that you will spend some time sharing some of those family stories that have helped to shape you.  Pass them onto the next generation.  Let them know where they come from.  Show them all that they hold within them.

I love this song by Sara Groves.  It goes to the heart of the power of stories to strengthen and mold us.  It’s called, “When the Saints.”  We are part of a great legacy of hope.  May we seek to pass it on to the people who come after us.

Blessings and Peace,

Sara

I’m ashamed to admit that gratitude is something I take for granted.  In the midst of the comings and goings and doings of life, there is much I forget and disregard and feel entitled to.  I don’t get up each morning and thank God for health.  I don’t drive to work each day thanking God for a job.  I don’t sit down with my plain Greek yogurt for lunch thanking God for having food to eat.  And, I’m not always grateful for my children.  It’s not that I am ungrateful, or that I don’t thank God for things–I just don’t make a lifestyle of it.  And that is something I need to do.

This song, from one of my favorite Christian groups, reminds me of the need and beauty of making gratitude a lifestyle choice.  It’s called “Sacred” by Caedmon’s Call.

I think living a lifestyle of gratitude involves more than just saying “I’m grateful for…” or even feeling the emotion of gratitude.  I think a lifestyle of gratitude involves an entire shift in perspective and focus.  I think it involves letting go of everything we think we need/desire/want/aspire to/dream of and simply embracing and living and reveling in the sacred moment that is the present.  It’s saying, “I’m here.  God’s here.  We’re okay.”

A lifestyle of gratitude is jumping into each day with both feet, following the current wherever God leads, being ready to serve and give and love with all that we are.

A lifestyle of gratitude involves accepting the fact that life is not always beautiful or clean or holy or praiseworthy, but still committing to hope.  It’s acknowledging the Light that is present even in the midst of our deepest darkness.  And sometimes, living a lifestyle of gratitude means walking into someone else’s darkness and bringing them that Light.

A lifestyle of gratitude is something I aspire to.  God and I have a lot of work to do in order to get there, but I am making progress each and every day.  And the fact that God would keep chiseling away is something I am truly grateful for.

Blessings and Peace,

Sara

I’m running a bit behind this week, so I’m keeping this short and sweet.  As the mother of two boys, I have a lot of thoughts on parenting.  I’m constantly seeking to be a better parent.  Some days are great, while others just show me that I have lots of opportunity for growth!

The other night, my five year old and I got into an emotional lock-down.  I was irritated, he was irritated and we ended up yelling at each other in his room over pajamas.  I wanted him to take his pj’s and leave my presence as I was D-O-N-E.  He was very vocally protesting that “request”.  I was yelling, “Out!  To the living room!!”  He was yelling, “NO–in my BEDROOM!”  As this was quickly going nowhere good, my husband (still fully in control in his frontal cortex) quietly came over, picked the smaller tornado of anger up, and got him dressed.  Crisis averted.  We had some quality cuddle time and all was right with the world.

But parenting is hard.  We’re human, and we’re dealing with little humans.  So, there’s lots of trial and error.

This song by Sara Groves (one of my favorite Christian artists) encapsulates all that I hope to accomplish and instill in my children.  I hope you enjoy!  (I’m trying to link it.  It’s not readily available from youtube.)  And, go to Sara Groves‘ website to see what a beautiful, powerful and profound artist she is!!

Song for My Sons

Have a great weekend!!

Blessings and Peace,

Sara

I love music.  Songs have a way of moving me and connecting me that nothing else does.  It’s poetry in motion–and I love it.  Music has always been one of my favorite parts of worship.  I remember more of the hymns we sang growing up than the sermons I heard.  And so, when I began my last two posts with music I thought it might be fun to make November all about the music.

I’m also in the midst of working on a new series for Advent entitled “Light in the Darkness”.  It explores the themes of rebellion, restoration and redemption as expressed in the book of Isaiah.  I’ve always loved reading through Isaiah during Advent.  It’s a beautiful picture of who God is, of the great Love He has for us, and of the great Promise of Hope God had given us.  I hope you’ll join me as we prepare to welcome the King once again.

For today, here’s a song that gets my mornings started many days.  The rhythm gets my feet tapping and the words get my heart stirring.  It’s Matthew West’s “Hello My Name Is”.  West wrote this song after a letter he received about a young man who battled through drug addiction to come back to all of the promises God had for his life.  Google the back story sometime.  It’s really powerful.  So is the song–and a great reminder for me as I’m heading into my day.  No matter what happens, no matter what anyone else thinks, I know that I am a “child of the one true King.”  May it be a blessing for you, as well.

Blessings and Peace,

Sara

My husband has been preaching a series on the masks we wear in church.  It was inspired by this song from Casting Crowns.

Thinking about the masks we wear can be a deeply uncomfortable subject.  Most of us prefer to put up our, “I’m Fine” mask–smiling in the pew when we really want to scream.  As my husband said, F-I-N-E is really just an acronym for freaked out, insecure, nervous and emotional.

When we “mask” our selves on Sunday mornings, we are living into the idea that Christians are hypocritical and disingenuous.  In other words, our masks make us fake.  And “fake” does not reach out and draw others in.

Our masks isolate and alienate us from the rest of the world.  We look around at everyone else’s masks and think we’re the only ones who: yelled at our kids before church, argued with our spouse the night before, purposely let the voicemail pick up a bill collection call, can’t afford to go out to lunch after worship, hates the idea of going into work the next day, is counting down the minutes to the next drag/hit/drink, cried in the shower because everything has just gotten to be too much.

The truth is, I’ve been through almost each and every one of the above at one time or another.  And my guess is, you have too.  So instead of hiding our humanity away, why don’t we accept it and acknowledge it?  Why can’t we say on Sunday mornings, “I don’t have it all together today”?

The answer is, we’re terrified of being judged.  The Christian church has done such a terrific job of cultivating an atmosphere of guilt and shame that we are now afraid to enter into God’s house with our full-on broken human nature.  And that is completely contrary to the Gospel message.

Jesus didn’t say, “Come to me all you who are perfectly coiffed, appropriately dressed, happy and content.”  Rather, Jesus said, “Come to me all of you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.”  (Matthew 11:28)

God doesn’t want us to come to Him wearing our masks.  He wants us to be real.  God wants us to bring him our hurts, our failures, our struggles, our fears, our broken hearts and dreams and homes.  God wants us to come to Him in all of our weakness because He has promised us that in our weakness we are made strong.  (2 Corinthians 12:9)

And when we gather together as a family of believers with our masks unveiled, we are able to demonstrate God’s great love to one another in very real and profound ways.  When we have the courage to leave our masks at home on Sunday mornings we have the opportunity to both give and receive mercy, grace and hope.

Moreover, when we have the courage to take away our masks, we will see that we are not alone.  Whatever you’re hiding away, someone else has been through, too.  But you’ll never know, until you take away the mask.

So here’s me without my mask:

1. My kids stress me out.  I make parenting mistakes.  Sometimes I “lose it” and yell at them.  I hate it, but it happens.

2. I’ve been on Zoloft for about 7 years.  I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder.  I believe in “better living through chemistry”.  It’s okay.  It works for me.

3. I take my husband for granted.  I focus, at times, on the little things that irritate me instead of being grateful for everything he is and all he does for me.  I don’t always show my love or gratitude.  I have a lot of room to grow!

4. I struggle with food addiction.  I use food as a “mask” at times.  I love sweets.  I am an emotional eater.  I use food to make myself feel good.  And, if I’m not careful, I can totally binge out on things that are terrible for my body.  It’s a constant battle, and one that will always be so.

5. I am not a conservative.  In fact, I am quite a liberal Christian.  Read into that what you will.  As a pastor’s wife, that’s a big mask for me!!

Obviously, there are more I could list.  I tend to be rather lazy and selfish and unproductive at times.  But I think you get the picture.  I’m human.  And people can judge me however they will.  It’s okay.  Because I know I’m not alone.  And I know that God sees me and loves me anyway.

Blessings and Peace,

Sara

I love the song, “Legacy”, by Nicole Nordeman.  The first time I heard it I thought, “Yes!  This is what I want!!”

I’m especially struck by the idea of being someone who blesses the name of God.  So often we talk about and ponder the beautiful and wondrous blessings from God.  But I’ve never really thought much about the idea that I could be a blessing for God.  How could I, with all of my human faults and frailties, be a blessing for the perfect, and holy Author of my Being?

I think, the answer for me is that I become a blessing for God when I allow God to work through me and, at times, in spite of me to accomplish His purposes.

When I give myself over to God, when I try and use my life to make a difference in the lives of others for the specific purpose of showing God’s love to others, then I become a blessing for God.

When I leave myself behind.  When I put aside my own desires, feelings, wants, ambitions.  When I step out of the “me” bubble and seek to bless others, then I become a blessing for God.

And the knowledge that God would actually allow someone like me to be a blessing for him is both remarkably humbling and inspiring at the same time.

May we each strive to be a blessing for God today.

Blessings and Peace,

Sara

There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit distributes them.  There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord.  There are different kinds of working, but in all of them and in everyone it is the same God at work. Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good.  To one there is given through the Spirit a message of wisdom, to another a message of knowledge by means of the same Spirit, to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by that one Spirit, to another miraculous powers, to another prophecy, to another distinguishing between spirits, to another speaking in different kinds of tongues, and to still another the interpretation of tongues. All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and he distributes them to each one, just as he determines.  1 Corinthians 12:4-11

 

 

Cher hair.  That’s how we in my family lovingly refer to my 8^th grade perm fiasco.  Cher hair.  I didn’t intend to emulate Cher’s wildly coiffed late 80’s do’.  I just wanted curls—the cute spiral kind that gently rolled across your shoulders like tiny miniature slinkys which all of the teen models were sporting in my copies of Teen magazine.  Unbeknownst to my hairdresser, who truly meant well, my hair tends to have a lot of natural body.  Not curl—there are no curls.  Just poof, which my hairdresser must have missed in her initial assessment of my hair because, as my hair is also very thick, she decided it would need a double perm in order for the curls to stick.  If you’ve ever wondered what the outcome of a double perm on naturally poofy hair equals, I can tell you–Cher hair.

Needless to say, I made quite the entrance at school the following day.  My 8^th grade history teacher who was always a little flighty told my dad that I looked very dramatic—like a movie star.  Most everyone else in our small Bible belt town just thought I looked silly.  And really, they were right.  It was ridiculous.  But, of course, at that point I was stuck with it.  I learned to make do with my crazy do’.  I turned bandanas into head bands and tried to keep the wild mass of curls away from my face.  And my family has lots of photographic ammunition for public humiliation if they ever so desire.

The lesson I learned that year was that my hair was not made to perm.  No amount of chemical combinations will ever take my thick poofy hair and transform it into strands of beautifully woven spirals.  It’s just not going to happen—ever.  For the record, I did try one more time at the end of my Senior year—a few days before graduation.  It was not good.  Luckily, I was seeing a hair dresser who could fix the damage and introduced me to the concept of hair straighteners.  It was a life changing moment.

Today, I don’t go anywhere without my trusty Chi.  Because while my hair was not created to be curled, it was absolutely made to be bobbed and straightened.

There’s a process of self-embracing I think we all have to go through in life.  So often, we long to be different from who God created us to be.  We pass over all of the wonderful and unique aspects of our created being and focus on those things we find to be lacking.  Instead of playing to our strengths, we constantly worry over and bemoan our weaknesses.  “I need to be more __________________________,”  we think instead of saying, “I can really use __________________ to make a difference in the world!”

God promises us that he has endowed each and every one of His children with specific gifts and abilities.  Specific gifts AND abilities.  And He has given us these traits and talents to be used for HIS glory.  God created us to be who HE wants us to be!  God doesn’t look at us and say, “Man, I wish I had given this one more organizational skills!”  Instead, He sees a beautiful child whom He created to reflect His glory and to bring His kingdom on Earth.

So instead of focusing on the things you wish you were—try looking instead at who you are.  See yourself as a child of God first, and then work to discover (or rediscover) all of the gifts and abilities God has placed within you.  Then, use those abilities to do something positive.  Show God’s love in a real and meaningful way through being who you are—not who you think you should be.

Blessings and Peace,

Sara

On that day
    they will say to Jerusalem,
“Do not fear, Zion;
    do not let your hands hang limp.
 The Lord your God is with you,
    the Mighty Warrior who saves.
He will take great delight in you;
    in his love he will no longer rebuke you,
    but will rejoice over you with singing.”  Zephaniah 3:16-17

As a working mom, I don’t always have the opportunity to take my kids to school in the mornings.  That job is usually left to my husband, who does an amazing job with it.  But this past week I had the opportunity to take my 7 year old to school and to pick him up.  I LOVE watching him as he walks into and out of the school.  It’s a joy I find difficult to explain.  There’s something about seeing him take those small steps to independence that fills my heart with delight.  I love his big grin, his little wave goodbye or hello, the giant backpack hanging off his shoulders.  I love watching him walk away into the building, happy to be going into school.  I love watching him run down the steps when the day is done, eager to be back home with his family.  It seriously makes me giddy.  And it doesn’t make any sense.  I delight in him.  I delight in those moments.

I used to think that the word delight meant that you really enjoyed something.  Like, I delight in chocolate cake.  But having children has deepened my understanding of delight.  Delight is something that bubbles up from within the soul.  Delight fills our entire being with joy and happiness and wonder and love.  Delight isn’t something that we manufacture.  It doesn’t come from a store.  Delight comes from being in a moment.  Delight comes when we let go of ourselves and see something in a new light–in a purer and holier light.

And so, it’s inexplicable to me that Scripture tells us God delights in us.  It’s shocking to me to think that God, the Creator of the universe, the Holy of Holy’s, the Alpha and Omega, the I Am would EVER delight in one such as me.  Most days, I’m pretty confident that I do nothing to bring about great delight.  In fact, when I think of how God responds when He looks at me I’d expect more of a “Meh…” response.  I’m not thoughtful, I’m kind of a lazy Christian, I’m fairly self-centered and I don’t go into each day giving God 100%.  So why would God delight in me?

I think the most simple answer to this question is that God created me.  He created you.  And God proclaimed that ALL His creation was good.  God loves us.  God delights in us.  We haven’t earned it.  We don’t deserve it.  We can’t control it.  God Is.  He Does.  And He Delights.

I can’t explain it.  I don’t understand it.  I’m terrible at recognizing it.  But it’s a truth that is hidden in my heart.  And when I remember the great undeserving love God has for me–it brings me to my knees.

God delights in me.  God delights in you.  What a blessing!!  What a God!

Blessings and Peace,

Sara

P.S. Here are a few more verses if you’re like me and need some reminders of that God does indeed delight in His children.

Praise the Lord, all you nations;
    extol him, all you peoples.
 For great is his love toward us,
    and the faithfulness of the Lord endures forever. Psalm 117:1-2

Give thanks to the Lord because He is good.  His love lasts forever! Psalm 136

I’m convinced that nothing can separate us from God’s love in Christ Jesus our Lord: not death or life, not angels or rulers, not present things or future things, not powers
Romans 8:37-39

See what kind of love the Father has given to us in that we should be called God’s children, and that is what we are! 1 John 3:1

I ask that you’ll know the love of Christ that is beyond knowledge so that you will be filled entirely with the fullness of God. Ephesians 3:19

Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies.  Philippians 4:8-9 (The Message)

I woke up this morning with Katy Perry’s “Teenage Dream” stuck in my head.  I truly hate that song.  I find it to be disgusting and objectifying and not at all in line with any principal that I have or value.  However, it has a catchy melody.  And my brain tends to pick up catchy melodies.  Needless to say, I was irritated.

I often wake up with songs running through my head.  Usually it’s a hymn or a contemporary Christian song.  I’ve always seen it as God’s little wake-up gift.  So, the fact that it was Katy Perry and not Fanny Crosby was a wake-up call to the fact that I have not been completely “on-track” with my spiritual disciplines.  My head has been in all sorts of places–thoughts pinging around in neurospace like my brain is some giant pinball machine.  I haven’t taken the time to center myself in God’s Word, and my subconscious song-selection this morning was a stark illustration of that for me.

And so, I grabbed my Bible this morning, in the midst of making coffee and breakfast and helping my first grader decide what to wear on Dress Like a Superhero Day since Captain Underpants was not exactly on the approved outfit list.  I took a moment (really, just a moment) to tune out the ample amount of noise around me and to bury my head (soul and heart) into the Word.  It’s amazing to me how just the act of opening my Bible can bring me so much peace.  The second my hand brushes over the soft, thin, slightly indented paper that makes the most wonderful crinkly noise when I flip the pages, a mental memory is triggered and I find myself falling into the center of my being.  It doesn’t matter that I was reading about God’s judgements against the entire Arabian peninsula in the book of Isaiah.  I was there, in God’s Word, centered in His Spirit.  I didn’t need the words today, I just needed the Presence.

I needed to remember my place of being.  I needed to remember that when I find my place in the center of God’s presence, then the rest of the pieces of my day fall in their appropriate spheres around that center.

I think our lives are more circular than linear.  God is the core, the center, from which bands or rings fan out, all held together and in perfect place by Him.  And so, when I’m out running around through the outer rim and not sitting in the center with God, things tend to seem a bit out of whack.  Priorities shift.  Problems seem bigger.  Understanding seems elusive.  And I get trapped in my head.

There is such an inexplicable freedom that comes from time spent in God’s Word.  And it doesn’t have to be a full-blown, time consuming, intensified Bible study curriculum.  It’s simply us, stilling ourselves right where we are to sit a few moments before the throne of our Creator.  It’s us, warts and all, acknowledging that we can’t keep it all together, but that we can fully trust the One who does.

After I spent a few minutes hovering over the pages of Scripture, my song track changed.  I’m now humming Hawk Nelson’s, “Words” as I bounce around our elementary school preparing for parent/teacher conferences.  And I think, how much more appropriate and meaningful to my day this song is than the one I started with.  God is so very good.

Blessings and Peace,

Sara