Confession 255: The Pastor’s Wife

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Call me lazy, but with the start of school (at which I work and just got promoted from paraprofessional to Teacher’s Assistant), the start of play practice (of which I am directing) and the start of youth group (at which I am helping) I haven’t had a lot of time to keep up on the blogging!!  I’m starting to get a schedule worked out, but it’s definitely an adjustment period.  Therefore, I am re-posting a piece I wrote and published over on Cooking Up Faith a few weeks ago.  If you’ve already read it, I’m sorry.  If not, let me know what you think!!

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

To the elders among you, I appeal as a fellow elder and a witness of Christ’s sufferings who also will share in the glory to be revealed: Be shepherds of God’s flock that is under your care, watching over them—not because you must, but because you are willing, as God wants you to be; not pursuing dishonest gain, but eager to serve; not lording it over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock.
1 Peter 5: 1-3
I met my husband at seminary.  He was working toward a Master of Divinity degree while I was working toward a Master’s in Christian Education.  I was drawn to him the first time I saw him.  It wasn’t long before I realized that I had met the man God intended to be the one I would walk with through this life.  Of course, that also meant that I would soon become “the pastor’s wife”.  That was not something I had ever planned on! 
I remember sitting in a council meeting when my husband and I were introduced to a new congregation some years ago.  After Chris had talked about some of the things he wanted to do, one of the members looked at me and asked, “So, what are you going to do in the church?”  I completely froze.  What was I going to do?  I had no idea there were any expectations for me! 
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not opposed to serving the church.  God has equipped me with my own set of gifts and has given me opportunities to use them in every one of the congregations we have served.  However, it is Chris who was called by God at a young age to go into formal ministry.  It is a role he takes very seriously, and he throws his entire being into shepherding his flocks.  Therefore, I try and support him in that.  I serve as a confidant, a critic, a think tank, an editor, a fielder and a fan. 
One of the most difficult aspects of being a ministry spouse is watching the person you love be hurt by members of the congregation.  There can be a dark underside to church leadership where church members become more interested in personal power than in being a follower of Christ.  I have, on occasion, watched as Chris’ integrity has been attacked and as his intentions have been misrepresented and miss communicated.  It is heartbreaking as a spouse, because when he hurts, I hurt.
Furthermore, when your pastor’s family is hurting because of the church, the congregation’s ministry will suffer.  It’s so hard to motivate yourself to walk into the doors of a church and engage in relationships with people when your family is hurting because of the words and actions of fellow believers.  It’s hard for a pastor to engage in effective ministry when he/she is constantly feeling the need to put defenses into place.
Please don’t think that being part of a ministry family is not a rewarding experience.  I love this life that God has called us to!  I get the opportunity to love on and encourage people on a regular basis.  It’s one of my favorite things to do!!  I love leading women in Bible study, working with our youth and engaging in mission projects.  We are blessed right now to be serving a congregation that is full of Christ’s love.  They have adopted our children and seek to love and nurture and lead them into a life with Christ.  God has given us opportunities to bring others to him, to help our community, and to be in relationship with many different people.  God is working in the midst of our congregation, and what a joy it is to be able to work alongside him!!
Now, when someone asks me what I’m going to do for the church, I know what to say.  I’m going to do whatever God calls me to do in whatever fashion he wants it done.  And I’m going to continue to seek him and to grow in him so that when my race is finished he might say, “Well done, good and faithful servant!”

Confession 244: Kindergarten

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Our oldest son is starting Kindergarten tomorrow, and I have to confess that my husband and I are having a harder time than we expected letting him go.  My dad assures me that he will, indeed, come home again.  But it’s so hard not to be there when they take these first steps into big-kid-hood!!  My husband wrote a beautiful article the other day that gets to the heart of what we’re both feeling, I think.  So, I twisted his arm to let me share his words.  He doesn’t like people to know he has a sensitive side! 🙂

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

 

“Back To School”
Teacher meetings began last week, back to school or meet the teacher night is tomorrow and Thursday will be the first day of school.  Another year full of possibilities, another year full of potential.  Highs and lows, successes and failures, opportunities seized and opportunities lost, chances to shine and excel, new friends to meet, new love to explore, heartbreak to experience, victory and defeat, championships to be won and lost, and above all lessons learned.
These are just some of what is typically experienced during a typical school year, although we all know there is no such thing as a typical school year.  It begins with such promise and excitement, new clothes and hair styles, new school supplies and high hopes. 
This school year has me feeling a little sentimental.  On Thursday morning we send Garrett off to Kindergarten.  The new backpack has been purchased (Lego Star Wars, of course), all the supplies have been carefully purchased and placed in said backpack (complete with Spiderman pencil box), the school clothes have been carefully picked out and the excitement mounts.  Garrett has asked so many questions about school and what he might experience.  He is worried about people thinking he is silly.  He is worried that his favorite new shirt might not be all that cool. 
Daddy is worried too.  It seems like it was just yesterday that I held that little boy in my arms for the first time, him already holding his head up high and looking all over, taking in his surroundings and this strange new world he had just entered.  Now, in a couple of days he enters a new world where Mommy and Daddy can’t be there to catch him if he falls, we can’t be there to sooth him when someone hurts his feelings, we can’t be there when he needs us.   
Now, I know that he doesn’t need us as much as we think he does, but this new world he is excited about exploring is inevitably going to cause him joys and pains, he will meet new friends and also have his feelings hurt by others, he will learn many lessons, some through pain.  For a parent, standing back and watching, knowing that pain is going to come and that there is nothing I can do about it, is hard.  Our little boy isn’t just beginning school this week, he is entering a new world that is out of my control.
Countless reflections come to mind as I think about how God watches over us, his children, as sees all the pain and hurt that is in front of us.  As I think of the anxiety I have about Garrett starting school and going slightly beyond my control (although that boy has never been controllable), I wonder about the feelings God must have as He watches his children everyday hurting each other, making decisions that will lead to pain.  He could intervene, he could stay by us in a way that would ensure we never experience any of this, could protect us in a bubble and shield us from all potential harm.  He could do all that, but he doesn’t.  He knows that we will never become who we are created to be unless we experience pain and hurt, highs and lows, joys and sorrows.  God could protect us, but in the end, it would do us more harm.
So now, with my eyes starting to get misty as I think about walking away from Garrett on Thursday morning, leaving him alone to learn and experience, I must have faith that my Heavenly Father will be with him, (and me) as he begins to navigate this new, and not always easy, world.
As always, it is a pleasure to be your pastor and in ministry with you to a God who loves us enough to allow us to grow through all sorts of experiences.
Blessings,
Chris

Confession 243: Fan or Follower

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For it is not those who hear the law who are righteous in God’s sight, but it is those who obey the law who will be declared righteous.  Romans 2:13
My husband just began a sermon series on the book, Not a Fan by Kyle Idleman.  The premise of this book is that many of our churches in the United States are really good at making fans of Jesus, but not true followers.  He says that our sanctuaries have become more like stadiums, where pastors and worship teams work to make Jesus more attractive and appealing to folks to get them in the door.  Sunday worship becomes the week’s entertainment, but not much more.  Churches work hard to make Jesus “cool”, which is really the last thing Jesus ever wanted to be.
I finished up a Bible study this weekend on the life and teachings of the Apostle Paul.  I was trying to decide where to go next.  I like alternating Bible study using book guides with Bible study using God as a guide! 🙂  I decided to light on the book of Romans for a bit because, quite frankly, I don’t like it.  I know that in the realms of theological study this statement is absolute heresy!!  The Book of Romans is the foundation of our faith!  Martin Luther actually taught that it should be memorized word for word by all Christians!  However, I must confess that often when a passage of Romans is presented to me to read all I hear in my head is: “Wahmp, whamp whamp, whamp whamp….”  (Do you get the Charlie Brown reference?)  It’s too heady for me, which is precisely why I felt convicted to spend a little more time digging deeper with the Spirit through Romans.  And what did God give me?  A verse that ties in perfectly with the things I’ve been thinking about these past few days!!  God never ceases to amaze and inspire me! 🙂
Paul says in verse 2:13 that it is not those who hear the law who are righteous, but those who do something with it.  It’s not enough to go to church every couple of Sundays and politely listen to what the pastor is saying about the Word of God.  It’s not enough to go to a women’s event once or twice a year and feel good about God.  It’s not enough to listen to K-Love while driving to and from work and occasionally humming along to the songs.  That’s what fans do.  God doesn’t want fans.  He wants followers.  “Come, follow me,” Jesus said.  
If we simply take in the Word, then our lives never change.  God wants to come bursting into our hearts and start rearranging furniture, not sit down and have a cup of tea!  The life of a follower is one of action.  We hear God’s Word and act on it.  We bring his Word to others.  We seek out ways to show his love to others.  We think and meditate on his Word.  We let it soak into our souls so that it may pour out of us into the world.  Do you know what Jesus called those who merely heard and recited the Law of Moses, rather than putting it into practice?  White sepulchres; pretty tombs.  There was nothing there beneath the surface.
I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to be a pretty tomb.  I want my life to be vibrant.  I want deep springs of water bubbling forth from my soul.  I want to be a follower, running out on the field instead of sitting in the stands.  It’s hard work, there’s not a lot of glory here on Earth, it’s not glamorous and there’s a greater chance of injury.  But Paul says God’s followers will be declared righteous in the end.  And what could we ever hope to earn more than the favor of our Lord and Creator?
Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Confession 242: A Special Guest

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I'm so excited today to be hosting one of my favorite bloggers on my site.  Cooking Up Faith is a beautiful blog full of wonderful thoughts on faith and some fabulous recipes to boot!  After you read this post, go on over and look around at Cooking Up Faith.  You'll definitely go back for more!!

Ever feel like you’re one step away from falling deep into a pit? We often question every decision we’ve ever made, and the ones we are making even now.  

 We wonder if we’ve got this all together – work, parenting, as a child of God…are we doing enough…are getting it right?? 

A tightrope walker will usually be okay on the rope as long as she’s balanced and looking straight ahead. 

  



But when she looks down her foot starts to slip, her legs wobble, and she’s one second away from falling.

She falls, but a cushion below catches her, bounces her back up.

When I said, “My foot is slipping,” your love, O Lord, supported me. 
When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul. 
Psalm 94:18-19


We fall daily. Not so much our failures. Though we have many in Christ Jesus there is no condemnation, no judgment, no punishment. 

It’s our eyes that fall – away from God and on to ourselves.

Our feet start to slip, our legs wobble, and we are one second away from falling into a pit of despair, anxiety, depression, insecurities. 

Yet, His love is there, His Word is there. We open up our Bibles and our hearts call out to Him; and our cushion catches us.

And we bounce back up. 

One of the best things I’ve ever done for myself is buy this little book…


It is full of scriptures arranged by topic; such as prayer, motherhood, God’s love, joy, strength, ect. 

I carry it around with me throughout the day. I even bring it with me in the car and read through it at stop lights. 

Being constantly in His Word is our constant source of hope and help in this fallen world. 

May our eyes not fall…may they be steady and balanced on Him. 

How gracious God will be when you cry for help! As soon as he hears, he will answer you.
Isaiah 30:19


Confession 241: Drought

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We are in the midst of a drought.  The earth is dry, it has not rained significantly in 62 days, the grass is dormant and crops have withered.  The trees are going from green to brown; dead leaves litter the scorched earth.  The heat is unrelenting. We pray for water.

Like our land, our souls can wither in the midst of a drought.  Our hearts become hard and brittle.  Our hope burns up, scorched in the fires that life in this broken world can bring.  Our voices, once lovely and pure and full of the goodness of God become dry and scratched from the burning of bitterness as we search for meaning, as we long for purpose, as we thirst for wholeness.  We pray for water.

A woman comes to a well alone.  The day is hot.  The sun beats down upon her, another burden she is forced to bear.  Her soul is parched.  She prays for water.


A man sits beside the well.  He is alone.  He has no bucket, no pitcher, no means of drawing any water.  The woman is cautious.  There is no one to hear her call.  There is no one who would come if she did.


The man studies her.  “Will you give me a drink?”  His eyes hold no malice.


The woman stops.  Her pulse quickens.  She does not yet trust him.  Yet she needs to draw from the well.  She does what life has taught her to do.  She takes the defensive.


The man does not leave.  Nor does he come closer.  He stays waiting by the well.  “If you knew who I was, it would be you asking me for a drink.  And I would give you water to quench your thirsting soul.”

The woman studies the man.  The sun is hot, but her skin is cool.  She is afraid.  “Who are you?”

The man smiles.  It lights his face.  Hope emanates from him.  “It does not matter.  I know you.  I know your soul is parched.  This water you draw comes and goes.  But I have a water for your soul that will last forever.  Come out of the desert.”



The woman is overwhelmed.  Something breaks within her.  A trickle of water begins to flow.  She looks back at the town from which she came.  Would they believe?  Could there be a river of life in this desert place?  She lays her bucket on the ground.  “Please stay.  I’m coming back.”

And Jesus said, “….whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst.  Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”  John 4:14

Blessings and Peace,

Sara

Confession 240: Wait and See

Recently, my husband and I took our oldest son to be seen by a medical specialist.  We had hoped in the course of our consultation to get some answers to some problems our son had been having.  We came in expecting a plan of action to be put into place.  Unfortunately, instead of walking away with answers, we only had more questions.  And our hoped for plan of action became a wait and see.  My husband and I left the doctor’s clinic feeling angry and frustrated, confused and discouraged.  What were we supposed to do now?

As Christians, we can sometimes have a similar experience in our walk with God.  We go to God seeking answers for problems that arise in our lives and come away with more questions.  We ask God to act and are told to wait and see.  It can be frustrating, unsettling, and discouraging when we perceive that God is not showing up in our lives when we need him most.  But it is also in those times of perceived silence or indifference from God that our faith can deepen and grow.  We have to dig down deep to our spiritual roots and find the promises that God has planted within our souls.  We have to remember God’s faithfulness to his people throughout the generations of time and choose to believe that even though we can’t see him, we can’t hear him, we can’t feel him that he is there working to bring about his perfect plan for us.  We have to settle ourselves to wait and see the victory that God is bringing in his way and in his time.

The Lord reigns forever;
    he has established his throne for judgment.
He rules the world in righteousness
    and judges the peoples with equity.  
 The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed,
    a stronghold in times of trouble.  
 Those who know your name trust in you,
    for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you.   
Psalm 9:7-10
My husband and I went back to our GP the day after meeting with the specialist.  He was able to give us answers where the specialist couldn’t.  He shared in our frustrations and developed a wait and see plan of action that we were comfortable with.  He reassured us and validated our feelings and concerns.  He took time to care for us.
How much more will God our Father care for us in all aspects of our life!  God knows what we are going through, he understands all of what we are feeling, he knows when we are scared or hurt or disappointed or confused.  And unlike our medical professionals, God is working on our problem before we realize we even have one!!   Although God may ask us to wait and see, he never stops working on our behalf.
I remain confident of this:
    I will see the goodness of the Lord
    in the land of the living.  
 Wait for the Lord;
    be strong and take heart
    and wait for the Lord.
Psalm 27:13-14
Blessings and Peace,
Sara 

Confession 239: Patience

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But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in him and receive eternal life.  1 Timothy 1:16

Patience is not a virtue I have in abundance.  I don’t like waiting.  I always skim ahead about 50 pages in books I’m reading before I put them down to do something else.  I get frustrated when my children don’t do things immediately after being directed to do them.  My husband and I dvr all of our favorite programs so we don’t ever have to sit through commercials.  So, this verse made me smile today as I read it. 
Paul tells his adopted son Timothy that God showed him mercy so that God could have the opportunity to display divine patience.  I love that Paul recognized the fact that God would need a lot of patience in dealing with him.  Paul was, among many things, always brutally honest!!  Truth be told, however, this verse could really be applied to any and all of us.  
I don’t know about you, but I have a sneaking suspicion that God requires a lot of patience in dealing with me.  I am stubborn and bull headed.  I value independence and don’t often listen carefully to what God might be trying to say.  I can be willful and proud. Oftentimes, God has to smack me upside the head with his equivalent of a spiritual frying pan to get me going in the right direction.  God has showered me with his unending patience; he stands next to me and waits for me to turn to him, to listen and to follow.  

God is always there patiently waiting for each of us.  He waits for all of his children, arms open, ready to enfold them into his loving embrace.  God patiently waits upon us.  I think I would be well served to reflect some of that patience back on others today!

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Confession 238: Remembrance

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Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.  Psalm 90:12
I’ve been thinking about this verse from Psalm today as I remember a friend from high school who, I discovered from Facebook, passed away this morning from a lengthy battle with cancer. Time can be both a blessing and a curse to us mortals.  It seems to stretch on endlessly at times and then is gone before we know it.  The wise person accepts each new day as a gift to be opened with joy and thanksgiving, not wishing for less or more.  God gives us space and time on this Earth to learn to love him, and we do that through loving others.  As Christians, we should be remembered for our love.
I’ve also been thinking about the current trend in our society to “dress up” our grief.  Instead of mourning at a funeral service, we hold celebrations of life.  Our loved ones do not die, they pass on or go home.  Instead of focusing on how much we will miss them, we are encouraged to be grateful for the time we had them with us.  And while I believe that there is space for all of this, I also think we need to learn and to teach our children how to say goodbye.  And saying goodbye hurts.  We need to remember that for each person we have loved and let go of, regardless of how young or old they were, there is a light that has gone out on this Earth.  
And so, today, I am remembering Tricia.  She will be always for me that laughing bright-eyed 16 year old girl with dark curls, deep brown eyes and a vivacious personality.  I know there is much more that her family and close friends will remember, and I pray that as her young son grows older there will be warm memories for him to hold onto and carry.  But for me, I will remember a teenage girl’s joy and exuberance while living life to the fullest.  I like this traditional Irish blessing for saying goodbye.
May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind always be at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
and rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of His hand.
Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Confession 237: Victorious

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Have you ever had the thought, “This is not supposed to be my life!”  Have you ever spent hours, weeks, months, even years working and toiling toward a dream for your life that despite your best efforts just won’t materialize?  Do you ever think, “Where did I go wrong?”

God and I have been working through some of these questions over the past two years.  In giving up my full-time teaching position when my husband was appointed to another church, I never dreamed that I would have any trouble finding another position.  And yet, two years later, doors have not opened.  I have questioned myself, questioned my abilities, questioned my purpose and have struggled to develop some sort of clear concise plan for my future.  At the age of 35 I find myself asking/screaming, “What am I supposed to do with my life?”  And the answer that I come to is this.  What I’m doing now is exactly what I’m supposed to be doing.  Look at this quote from author, Beth Moore:

Satan definitely wants to force us off our property and make us feel like we’re getting nowhere.  But God has given us the privilege of standing in the victorious space He desires for us.  (Paul: A Journey of Faith)

 When I look at my life, I realize that God has used this time to do some good work in my soul.  He’s taught me what it means to surrender, to trust, to truly depend on him.  Because I’m not teaching full-time I have had the opportunity to spend quality time with my children, to help start a community theater in our area, to write and to engage in Bible study and time with God.  It’s been good, and it brings me joy.  Even though my professional life may not look the way I think it should, I can trust that God has placed me where he wants me for his victory.  And, as a child of God, his victory is mine.

Whenever you doubt yourself.  Whenever you feel you’re not good enough, you’re not doing enough, you’re not fulfilling your potential, remember; God has placed you in a place of VICTORY!!

Now this I know:
    The Lord gives victory to his anointed.
He answers him from his heavenly sanctuary
    with the victorious power of his right hand. 
Psalm 20:6
Blessings and Peace,
Sara 

Confession 236: A Psalm

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My good friend and spiritual mentor Liz gave me a wonderful book yesterday entitled Psalms/Now by Leslie Brandt.  This book is a contemporary interpretation of the Psalms.  I immediately opened the book to my favorite Psalm, number 121.  This interpretation only heightens my love of this beautiful message.  I thought I would share it with you this Monday morning.  And, if you get a chance, go see Liz over at God in the Everyday.

Blessings and Peace,
Sara

Psalm 121
Where should I look for help in my need?
To majestic mountain peaks that probe our skies
      or to giants of industry that hem in our cities?
To satellites that circle our world
      or to computers that store up our knowledge?
The answer to my problems
     and the fulfillment of my needs
   must come from God Himself,
      from Him who created skies and mountains
        and man to dwell in their midst.
He is a great God who knows our every desire,
whose watchful eye is upon us night and day.
We can make no move without His knowledge.
His concern for His children is constant;
His love for them is eternal.
  And thus the Lord will keep you,
Shielding you from the forces of evil
as a shade tree shields you
from the rays of the blazing sun.
 He does care for you,
and He will fight with you
against the enemies of your soul.
Whether you be coming or going,
He knows the course you take,
and He will go before you.